Whitney Cummings Watch The Female Brain on demand, YouTube, Hulu, iTunes, Amazon. I wrote a book called “I’m Fine...And Other Lies.” Order here👇 | amzn.to/2xuZouA|
Whitney Cummings Posts
13,693 Likes | about 12 hours ago | 247
This goats name is Brad Pitt. That is all.
8,328 Likes | about 15 hours ago | 185
The great @bertkreischer is donating to the Paradise fire victims with us. This machine has a big heart! Lotta @joerogan @seguratom @thefighterandthekid swag on the way❤️
12,322 Likes | 1 day ago | 304
My heart exploded from all the people who showed up with donations for the campfire victims. We got so much that we had to get a huge truck. @animalhopeandwellness will be driving this stuff up there personally on Wednesday. I can’t thank you enough. And thank you for reposting the event @nikkireed @sophiabush@bethbehrs @michelletrachtenberg ❤️
22,055 Likes | 1 day ago | 500
I’m back home with this dummy. I’ll be running around Malibu and Agoura Hills tonight with supplies and help. If you need help please DM me what supplies or help you need and where. ❤️ otherwise I’ll be doing whatever @animalhopeandwellness tells me to do with relief efforts.
4,557 Likes | 2 days ago | 100
I will be here tomorrow taking donations for the Campfire victims. Bring anything you can for people or animals and we will get them to the right place. For people asking for where to send money, @animalhopeandwellness is where I’m donating. They’ve been tirelessly rescuing people and animals in The Woosley Fire all week and are personally delivering supplies to NorCal people and animals next week. Great place to give if you can and are outside CA. Also at this event 20 percent of Pickles book sales go to victims as well. See you tomorrow!
13,291 Likes | 3 days ago | 425
The pig is alright. Thank you @livingwithpickles for pig sitting.
24,991 Likes | 3 days ago | 518
King is safe. So many people and animals are not. I’m going to keep doing as much as I physically can. I’m checking every DM my thumbs can get to so if I have not responded immediately, know I will try. Thank you for all the support, but I don’t think people should get points for helping animals. Animals can’t make phone calls or drive and they do and have done so much for us (horses literally used to transport us to safety before we had cars) that it’s the least we can do in return as a species. ❤️
19,089 Likes | 3 days ago | 233
Thank you @livingwithpickles for dropping everything to come help me with Joe the piglet since I’m in over my head with a sick piggie. This is Pickles, not Joe. Pickles is staying in my house the next 5 days. Her story about how she championed this guy is unbelievable. Joe is doing great today, the only issue now is Joe may feel insecure being in the same house as this sexy insa pig influencer. 🐷 the way people are showing up for each other right now is really inspiring and making my heart hopeful again.
5,301 Likes | 4 days ago | 430
I’m sorry for rescheduling so many shows but these fires are no joke. These shows are all ON. Thank you for understanding everyone. Spokane and Vegas, the rescheduled dates are coming soon. ❤️
34,008 Likes | 4 days ago | 1,368
So lil Joe has a mild case of pneumonia. Thank you @exoticanimalcare for coming to meet me at 2 a.m. to treat him. I know my captions need to get funny again soon but I’m just blown away by the kindness people are showing right now. And yes he looks like a possum because he has mange just FYI before you all yell at me that he has mange, don’t worry I know, and I probably have mange now too.
9,307 Likes | 5 days ago | 268
Dropping off clothes at @shopellea in Woodland Hills for victims of the Woolsey fire victims who lost their homes. Super easy to do if you’re able. Open 10-6 today thru Saturday. I know everyone’s looking for specific ways to help so this is a good actionable one. 😊 please add other options in the comments if you have other places to donate?
7,998 Likes | 5 days ago | 275
Yeah no shit. Someone please tell my Instagram time limit app that California is literally bursting into flames?
22,320 Likes | 6 days ago | 1,146
I have a piglet in my house. This is the San Gabriel one. Any advice? Besides start to learn to love the smell of urine? His name is Joe. For pig people he did have mange and is underweight. He’s all treated and got surgery for basically a weird dick. Just my luck. @livingwithpickles is helping me so I’m good on advice thanks!
18,166 Likes | 6 days ago | 2,022
I got the pig from San Gabriel. He’s with an exotic vet now and is safe. He’s got some major issues but they’re saying he has a great chance. Name suggestions?
10,816 Likes | 6 days ago | 1,146
Sometimes you just got to clean an ashy horse penis. King is safe from the fires but he’s not safe from me being a weirdo.
20,847 Likes | 7 days ago | 1,531
20,568 Likes | 7 days ago | 628
King has been evacuated again and is safe. He has a new friend. Oh god, am I a cat person now? How does that work? Do I get mugs with cats on them? Going to Etsy now for some “pet me don’t touch me” shirts.
16,430 Likes | 7 days ago | 1,729
Last update hopefully. @malibusafaris my offer to help you rebuild your property still stands. Please everyone stop attacking each other. That’s not helping. The animals weren’t okay, now they are. Super simple. The attention we raised help them get food and vet care when the roads were blocked and no food could get up. It worked. Let’s move on to animals and people that are not okay. Please don’t chime in with opinions and assumptions if you weren’t physically there. Try not to evaluate past posts with present circumstances. It’s not helpful to this situation or to your spirit. We gotta stick together right now more than ever.
17,581 Likes | 7 days ago | 1,048
If @malibusafaris can just send us proof from vets, not news reporters that Stanley is okay and that the other animals are too, all good. Animals don’t have cars or e-mail. This place also had other people horses there who paid to board them there. I guess I’m just trying to do what I would hope other people would do for my animals or children if this happened. If they’re fine now, great. Do the right thing and build a cement enclosure for Stanley that can’t burn down, and get a real evacuation plan in place in case this happens again. I truly can’t and shouldn’t spend any more time on this so now the experts can do the rest because this is above my pay grade. Thanks to everyone for the kind words and even the not so kind ones. I always want to be fair and just and would never want to make a bad situation worse.
11,332 Likes | 8 days ago | 1,553
This is how close the fire came to the fence. Now that i know the full scoop, shame on you @malibuwines @malibusafaris for not evacuating this animal or any of your animals. I was gracious earlier because you told me you’d move the animals and gave me many excuses of why you didn’t which i believed because I’m codependent and always want to give people the benefit of the doubt so i wrote a nice social media post trying to help get you hay. I tried to reason with you, tried to help you, and I brought you food for the animals. I am trying to help you do the right thing and take better care of the animals (you use to make money.) I have trailers and people who can take them out safely ready to go. I have way more photos and videos of how bad the damage in case people think I’m being dramatic. Let’s just do this the easy way? DM me and I will help you. I know moving a giraffe is incredibly dangerous but not having an evacuation plan at at all isn’t acceptable. Yes they keep saying they “evacuated” but that means into a pasture that’s still Smokey and burning on their premesis just FYI.
18,241 Likes | 8 days ago | 1,108
I’m deleted my understanding caption about Malibu wines/Saddlerock ranch. I didn’t want to speak until i had all the information. Now I do. They had a lot of excuses and i was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. They didn’t evacuate their animals and still won’t. I wanted to be understanding and gracious, but once you treat your animals like this (when you have plenty of money) we simply aren’t on the same page. The pastures were still burning in areas when I got there, an injured pig was found by us that nobody was looking for, and the owners of boarded horses were told they were evacuated which is a lie. So now we have a problem. You guys can DM me if you want to discuss evacuating them otherwise I’m just going to post the photos I have. Talk soon?
39,253 Likes | 8 days ago | 1,628
I went rogue and went to check on Stanley the giraffe myself. There were a lot of rumors and i didn’t want to be contributing to untrue gossip. I don’t know enough about exotic animals to know if them choosing not to move him was the right choice, but for now he is safe although the conditions are terrible air quality and windy. They are trying to build a barn for him for the night because it burned down. The best thing you can do to help is have as much hay delivered as you can to Malibu Wines/Saddle Rock Ranch or bring some if you live in the area. They lost all their structures, but all the animals are alive right now. I was frustrated that they didn’t evacuate all the animals days ago, but again it’s easy for me to say given i wasn’t there and the fires came in fast. Everyone I spoke to was kind and doing the best they could. I’m sorry I was so aggressive with you guys both in person and on social media. I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you did what was best for your animals and humans but in the future I’m offering my services to help with a better evacuation plan and any resources you currently need. Let’s all just stick together right now and deal with everything else later.
5,636 Likes | 9 days ago | 170
If you had to leave your animals behind please call this number now. @jillianmichaels @animalhopeandwellness
29,082 Likes | 9 days ago | 714
Living nightmare. We are getting as many animals out as we can. Stick together. 📷 @charlesrsmith
22,288 Likes | 9 days ago | 258
Beth and I got our horses out and now are surrounded in literal horse shit. Thank you everyone for sending so many locations to send horses and animals to - I’ve been using them all and am getting out as many as I can. Thank you. @bethbehrs ❤️
11,252 Likes | 9 days ago | 661
22,543 Likes | 10 days ago | 634
I’m about to fly into this. Wish me luck. Again, Spokane I will reschedule shows. Already working on it. Thank you for understanding. Going to get as many horses and animals as I can. (And humans of course but they can drive and animals can’t.) Vegas shows on Monday and Tuesday are still ON.
17,573 Likes | 10 days ago | 707
SPOKANE. I am so sorry. I will make it up to you.
8,101 Likes | 10 days ago | 121
Thank you for everyone asking about my boy. The fires are not close to him and he is okay, but times like this make me feel so grateful that I even get to worry because that means I have something I cherish so much. Sending all the love I have to everyone close to these California fires and to the families who have lost loved ones. I feel guilty for being so lucky. It feels like every day we wake up to a new nightmare. Let’s stick together, shall we? ❤️
851 Likes | 11 days ago | 44
SoCal. I’ll be doing 6 shows in La Jolla, CA next week. Running my new hour so yes it’s all new and it’s going to be one hour so plan and eat accordingly. This is one of my favorite places in the world to work out material before I shoot a special so come judge me so I can make it 👍🏼. @comedystorelj
4,065 Likes | 11 days ago | 46
17,307 Likes | 12 days ago | 633
Taking a break from the news to let this magic soak into my tired ass heart.
674 Likes | 12 days ago | 22
Me and my shiny ass forehead will be doing 4 shows at the Rio next Monday and Tuesday night - hydrate yourself and come on down 🎉
1,743 Likes | 12 days ago | 88
Salt Lake City. Doing 5 shows there soon. Tag your SLC pals ❄️
7,400 Likes | 13 days ago | 89
We called a bunch of people last night to find out their voting plan. It was a pleasure chatting with some lovey strangers, some of whom had some great career advice for me. What’s yours? (I mean your voting plan, not your career advice) @ikebarinholtz @fortunefeimster @justintheroux 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
4,638 Likes | 14 days ago | 44
Nobody better to phone bank with than the great @fortunefeimster 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 what’s your voting plan tomorrow??? @whenweallvote
4,460 Likes | 14 days ago | 98
Go to #telethonforamerica to see us phone banking 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 @therealdebramessing @justintheroux
3,201 Likes | 14 days ago | 213
I mailed in my ballot a week ago because I won’t be in my city on Election Day. What’s your plan? 🇺🇸 text LOCATION to 21333 to find out where to vote in your town.
2,068 Likes | 14 days ago | 61
809 Likes | 14 days ago | 35
Doing 7 shows in SoCal soon. Tag your San Diego/La Jolla friends and enemies. ❤️
Happy birthday to one of my favorite people @bertkreischer. I love you but there’s a new machine in town.
3,329 Likes | 16 days ago | 66
1,762 Likes | 17 days ago | 49
I’ll be performing in Las Vegas soon. Four shows, new hour, same desire to see who comes to stand up shows on Monday and Tuesday nights in November 🤔
2,236 Likes | 17 days ago | 52
Challwnge accepted @malinakerman! These are my Bisous for Léo 💋 Please send him yours too. Leo has an incredibly rare genetic disorder called INAD, often referred to as “Parkinson’s mixed with Alzheimer’s for kids”. It’s a terrible diagnosis and there are currently no cures. We are hoping to change that; every dollar helps and every kiss spreads awareness for INAD. Please post your own bisous and donate at BisousForLeo.org so we can help save his life and kiss INAD goodbye. Join @bisousforleo with me @oliviamunn @kateupton @busyphilipps
9,047 Likes | 17 days ago | 244
I asked @melissavcomedy if she could do a remix between me and @esthermonster and we’ll, she freaking can. I have a lot to think about. 😂
3,492 Likes | 18 days ago | 127
5 shows starting tonight at the Sacramento Punchline running my new hour. ❤️
3,450 Likes | 18 days ago | 37
My friends are literally ride or die ❤️ @zoelisterjones
5,481 Likes | 19 days ago | 148
I’m starting miss the years before Instagram when you could be an idiot in a costume without anyone knowing
1,012 Likes | 19 days ago | 30
Thank you for all the love on the audiobook. This is the section I’m getting a lot of DMs about and it’s really touching anyone gives a shit. I do read all your messages about how the book helped you, never mind that it’s between getting dick pics ❤️
4,734 Likes | 19 days ago | 53
Daisy and Frank are putting themselves up for adoption for Halloween 🎃
3,621 Likes | 20 days ago | 37
In my book I include the “red flag test” which is a sneaky way to find about someone’s subconscious. What’s your favorite animal/article of clothing/body of water? I had a total blast doing the test with @mosesstorm. Catch him on the forthcoming @teamcoco tour 😊
4,242 Likes | 20 days ago | 49
Woah I found 🧚🏼♂️and 👗 IRL
3,741 Likes | 21 days ago | 91
Hey @gal_gadot you shaking in your boots?
20,071 Likes | 21 days ago | 1,006
How cute?! (VOTE)
1,183 Likes | 22 days ago | 38
Doing 5 shows in mysterious Spokane soon. Tag your Spokane friends and foes 👋🏻
4,427 Likes | 22 days ago | 74
What are some legal options if kids refuse to trick or treat at your house? 🎃
6,047 Likes | 23 days ago | 147
Voting is how we resist letting our lives be decided by people who don’t share our values and circumstances. Resistance isn’t a party thing, it’s how we hold people accountable and express our power. Resist disrespect. Resist being passive. Resist the old stories in your head that hold you back. Thank you @maya_brenner for this necklace that reminds me every day to resist the big and little things that aren’t ideal. 🇺🇸
3,469 Likes | 23 days ago | 185
Sometimes good things happen when you leave your hotel room on tour. Next stops: Sacramento, Spokane, La Jolla, Salt Lake City, Nashville. Where should I do shows in January?
5,150 Likes | 23 days ago | 926
On Monday I get to meet this gorgeous mustang mare rescued by @skydogsanctuary. I have the honor of getting to name her! Help! Magnolia? Opal? Dorothy? Suggestions please.
7,114 Likes | 24 days ago | 84
A sneak peak of what it’d be like to be in a polyamorous relationship with me and @oliviamunn
1,051 Likes | 24 days ago | 60
Ooh I’m in Sacramento next weekend but don’t worry I won’t wear this sweater. Tag your north Cali pals ⭐️
2,550 Likes | 24 days ago | 88
The people in St. Louis made me eat a bug. I handled it pretty well
2,770 Likes | 25 days ago | 42
I think we had a little too much fun at @youngstorytellers. This is us warming up our voices before performing scenes the brilliant youngins wrote. Amazing cause to support the voices of tomorrow who decide how the next generation will see themselves and the world. ❤️ @cedtheentertainer @oliviamunn @mrjakejohnson @aparnapkin @davidoyelowo @bibbymoynihan @nfrothwell @tesssanchezgreenfield @sklarbrothers
726 Likes | 25 days ago | 11
Not only is he a brilliant dramatic actor but turns out he’s also ridiculously hilarious. What’s your favorite @davidoyelowo performance?!
742 Likes | 25 days ago | 64
I’ll be running my new hour in Spokane soon. Also what do I need to know about Spokane? Where do I go obnoxiously take selfies while I’m there?
14,610 Likes | 26 days ago | 198
The epic @oliviamunn is giving me posing lessons and in my opinion it’s going great
14,312 Likes | 26 days ago | 372
Can someone please explain men’s pants to me?
2,591 Likes | 26 days ago | 226
Someone explain what I am for Halloween thanks 🎃
1,138 Likes | 26 days ago | 26
I’ll be doing 4 shows in Vegas soon. Tag your Vegas friends and enemies ⭐️⭐️
1,201 Likes | 27 days ago | 417
What other cities should I come to before I shoot my special my lovers?
703 Likes | 27 days ago | 19
ST LOUIS - who is coming this weekend? Tag your St Louis babes! ❤️
9,946 Likes | 27 days ago | 305
I ordered a shark costume for this idiot and it’s too small because of his dumb body. What are other good costumes for dogs? Sushi? Taco? Or no costume because it’s a freaking dog and they’re cute enough as it is and I should stop using dog costumes to procrastinate when I have a ton of work to do?
8,837 Likes | 28 days ago | 173
I tried to prank King and we just fell deeper in love by accident 🦄
7,359 Likes | 28 days ago | 54
The one good thing about constantly being in airports on tour is you get to run into some of your favorite comics you never get to see. ❤️ @realdlhughley
3,908 Likes | 29 days ago | 30
I’m geeking out! I just met some players for the Cleveland women’s football team and Burning River Roller Derby! Y’all are my heroes! 🧡🖤🧡🖤
3,035 Likes | 29 days ago | 45
I crashed a wedding in Cleveland and it went pretty well 🙄 See you next weekend St. Louis.
4,510 Likes | 30 days ago | 74
my bestie @kevingchristy teaching me how to do a back spin. WARNING: this is harder than it looks - but do try this at home and tag me so I can see you get rug burn
8,042 Likes | 30 days ago | 93
Bath day for the three legged street ferret. As much as i want millions more little goblins like Sunny, please #adoptdontshop
10,695 Likes | 31 days ago | 107
❤️ @theellenshow made all my dreams come true by giving me my own Heads Up game deck! For the life of me I can’t play it cool around her. 👕👖@Ragandbone 👠@tamaramellon 🕴🏻@georgekotsi 💆🏻♀️@drtn💄@jamiemakeup
5,265 Likes | 31 days ago | 279
While doing press in Cleveland this morning for my shows this weekend i got distracted by finding the leg lamp from the Christmas story. I promptly lost my shit - the Christmas story house is near my hotel! Should I go?
12,889 Likes | 32 days ago | 176
The hottest new fall fashion accessory is the “I Voted” sticker amirite? Not having one is so 2016 and every year before that 💕 💄 @jamiemakeup 💆🏻♀️ @drtn
4,868 Likes | 32 days ago | 37
My friend @busyphilipps has a book out and I’m celebrating it by wearing a top that only she could pull off. 💕
11,385 Likes | 32 days ago | 340
Miles is trying to teach me the backpack dance for @theellenshow today. It’s going great! I have a whole new respect for @thebackpackkid
15,989 Likes | 33 days ago | 598
I’m going on @theellenshow tomorrow and I’m practicing possible walk out dances 💃🏻Thank you @blakegriffin23 for these shoes - they prevented me from rolling both ankles simultaneously.
4,910 Likes | 33 days ago | 168
LET THE CAPTION CONTEST COMMENCE @teamcoco
2,183 Likes | 33 days ago | 45
I’m forcing @demetrimartinofficial to be more active on Instagram and here I am teaching him our hot catch phrase. Tag him with some advice for this new social media journey 💻
14,853 Likes | 34 days ago | 334
Thank you @j_corden for helping me discover my physical limitations ❤️
3,548 Likes | 35 days ago | 69
My master plan to turn King into a dog is finally starting to work. Sorry about the 💩! I’ve been too sick to do much posting but after my second round of steroids I’m back! I missed you guys 🤕
1,887 Likes | 35 days ago | 12
I had the incredible pleasure of seeing @yesimsarahjones perform her show Sell/Buy/Date last night. It’s brilliant, hilarious, and heart breaking. A must see. Check out her Ted talks to have your head blown off 🤯 @rosariodawson #sellbuydate
It’s official: King is better at selfies than i am
9,670 Likes | 37 days ago | 121
Thank you to the magical unicorn who brought a mini replica of my book to one of my shows. It even has all the actual text in it! 🤯 Stuff like this makes all the late nights and workaholic health breakdowns worth it. I love you guys. 💕
5,032 Likes | 37 days ago | 99
Stockpiling this pic for when I inevitably start a “comedy and mammograms” business down the road
747 Likes | 38 days ago | 33
Cleveland is NEXT weekend! Tag your Cleveland exes! ❤️
6,416 Likes | 38 days ago | 69
Sometimes you just gotta go ham on your favorite ice cream with your bestie #ginnifergoodwin ❤️ Thank you @coolhaus 🍦 #ibuywomenowned @thealist.us