Whitney Cummings Watch The Female Brain on demand, YouTube, Hulu, iTunes, Amazon. I wrote a book called “I’m Fine...And Other Lies.” Video of fire aftermath here 👇 | m.youtube.com/watch?v=8_ZyjMUcA_E|
Whitney Cummings Posts
432 Likes | about 1 hours ago | 15
THIS Thursday I’ll be performing in Windsor, ON. I’m technically on vocal rest so if my voice goes out please be prepared to run on stage and play charades with me to convey what I’m trying to say to the audience 🤦🏻♀️
6,477 Likes | about 16 hours ago | 258
For the last time this is not me and I am not a contestant on the Bachelor this year. I will not be addressing this again until @davidspade clowns me about it in four minutes.
10,441 Likes | 1 day ago | 498
If @beberexha has this problem, we all have a problem. I will go to Neiman Marcus with you right god damn now and all those designers can kindly go 🍆 themselves. I had eating disorders and intense body dysmorphia till i was 30 and if I by some weird fluke was a famous music star at this age, this would have been a devastating set back. We overpay for clothes so the designers can hire more people to make dresses for people like Bebe. There’s no excuse for this. @csiriano YOU UP?
1,759 Likes | 1 day ago | 23
14,924 Likes | 1 day ago | 177
Mandatory daily insta post of me with an animal since I bet y’all were getting worried. Captions welcome 🤦🏻♀️ thanks for letting me play with baby cows @savinggraciefoundation_ @blueskyutah
1,828 Likes | 2 days ago | 165
Buffalo and Vermont are sold out my loves but we added a 5 pm sat show to Philly❤️ the DC show is my stand up special so please avoid wearing stupid shirts and hats! 🤦🏻♀️ which show are you coming to?
18,014 Likes | 3 days ago | 839
So I wanted to wait to post about the gnarly specifics about Joes situation until he was out of the woods and until I was educated on the reality of what happened to him. When I found Joe, I thought he was a 6 week old piglet. I found out that he was actually about 8-9 months old (based on good growth and snout size) who had been starved to stay small by a “micro pig/teacup pig” breeder. There is no such thing as a micro/teacup pig. Trust me, I want them to exist as much as anyone, but they just don’t. There are “mini” pigs, but fully grown they are 75-150 lbs. Standard pigs grow to 400-800 lbs. This photo was from when I had to put Joe in a nebulizer twice a day for two weeks due to the scarring on his lungs from chronic pneumonia as a result of the starvation. He was at the vet about every other day, often at 1 am, due to his condition because In addition to chronic pneumonia, Joe had a prolapsed penis which took 5 surgeries to improve (which still may be a permanent issue) an enlarged heart and kidney, and deformed legs, which is permanent. He may have vision problems, but we won’t know that for a little bi. Many people are getting fooled and buying these malnourished pigs for a fortune, only to learn the same thing and having to surrender them to shelters because they start to grow to what they should be. I’m not sure how this situation fell into my lap, but it feels weird to not share what I’ve learned and give Joe the chance to shine light on this weird ass ookie business. Maybe it’s because I had eating disorders so Joe and I actually have a lot in common, I dunno. I’m not an educator on this topic, so go to @centraltexaspigrescue for more information and details on Joe’s journey, his dumb butt, and his weird penis. @estherthewonderpig is an amazing feed also. They bought a “micro pig” who grew full size but they kept the cutie head. Thank you @lilorphanhammies @livingwithpickles @exoticanimalvet and all the awesome pig people who have helped me keep this guy
6,668 Likes | 3 days ago | 51
@realnickswardson is on a comic appreciation spree and I love it. He’s always been so nice to me and always supports other comics even though I think once he tried to fart in my mouth but it was funny
18,222 Likes | 4 days ago | 473
This was almost the cover of my book! I had gone blonde for the Female Brain movie and I didn’t have time to change it so I was in a jam and ended up shooting the book cover with blonde hair like a silly goose. Anyway I did like my ankles looking broken but ultimately it was too weird for everyone. @jill.greenberg and @putnambooks was down for all my insane ideas and I’ll always be grateful for that. Now I’m feeling like I should have used this one?!
4,914 Likes | 4 days ago | 90
This was almost the poster for my last HBO special. I didn’t want it to be too pink so we ended up using the other one. My next special will be for Netflix and will be taping in my hometown of D.C. March 23rd. Two shows. There’s a very weird surprise in it. Tix on my website. Here we go @netflixisajoke
3,582 Likes | 4 days ago | 42
I have loved this girl for so long and I just binged YOU on Netflix and she made my heart expand like three times and to post my obsessive love for her on Instagram feels like a perfect inspiration of how to open to Season 2? Writers CALL ME I have ideas of how to stalk her! @kathryngallagher ❤️
1,609 Likes | 5 days ago | 72
Tag your Eugene and Boise peeps (I don’t think anyone has eve written that sentence)
8,279 Likes | 5 days ago | 312
In honor of my two year anniversary of getting my magic donkey, naturally I had to make an homage of our love to the most romantic song of all time. This dude has taught me more about boundaries, self-respect, direct communication, and authenticity than any self-help book, 12 step program or psychiatrist. If you can think of a more romantic song let me know and I’ll re edit it! Thank you @noellefloyd for shooting our romance and for all you do for the equine community. #rescuehorse #libertytraining #horsesofinsta
3,787 Likes | 6 days ago | 104
The one time I actually try and write DUCK it autocorrects to this 🤦🏻♀️
4,716 Likes | 6 days ago | 101
Hot date night with this dumbo #horsesofinsta
2,581 Likes | 6 days ago | 29
I can’t do shows with @kathbum she cracks me up too much. @jimmycarr #thefixnetflix
1,364 Likes | 7 days ago | 74
Just announced - 5 shows in Charlotte running my new Netflix special before I tape it. Tix available right now. tag your Charlotte friends and enemies ❤️
12,190 Likes | 8 days ago | 328
Sometimes you have to be a little petty
18,153 Likes | 8 days ago | 423
5,387 Likes | 8 days ago | 508
Hoping Instagram doesn’t flag this as inappropriate content 😬 these are my vocal cords-I am on vocal rest this week so can’t do shows @thecomedystore until Thursday, Friday and I’ll be at Pasadena Ice house doing a full hour Feb 22 and 23. Sorry everyone. I got that gnarly flu and trashed my vocal cords doing shows in Kentucky this past weekend. Tour resumes as scheduled next week in Vermont, Windsor, etc. ❤️
21,343 Likes | 8 days ago | 466
10 years later and I still haven’t figured out jeans. #10yearschallenge
4,208 Likes | 9 days ago | 380
What do I do if I’ve completely lost my voice? I mean I’m sure my fiancée is thrilled but how do I fix this?!
20,939 Likes | 10 days ago | 401
I think it’s safe to say that Joe could not be happier at @centraltexaspigrescue. Now I’m more worried for the humans there because nobody can get anything done with him demanding constant snuggs. 🐽
3,747 Likes | 10 days ago | 130
Sorry about this deeply upsetting image but there’s a couple tix left for the 5 shows in Philly. Running the brand new hour so come vote on which jokes should stay in. @onebyonepodcast you’re a psycho for making this
23,279 Likes | 11 days ago | 346
My doppelgänger is reading my book. All part of my master plan to download my brain into hers so I can send her on tour for me and I never have to leave my house again. 💁🏻♀️💁🏻♀️ @urban_pilates
10,258 Likes | 11 days ago | 209
Touring in your 20s is a blast. Touring in your 30s is a crime scene.
16,080 Likes | 11 days ago | 161
I know it SEEMS like I chose a photo that’s flattering to me and not this dog, but I swear this is the best pic we got. if you want to adopt Bella and have a mini hippo in your house go to @hitlivingfoundation ❤️ #adoptdontshop
10,166 Likes | 12 days ago | 104
#tbt to when Joe wanted to nuzzle and play but I was knocked out from the 20 hour drive to @centraltexaspigrescue for Operation Pig Drop 🐽
1,745 Likes | 12 days ago | 64
Detroit! I’ll be right across the bridge at Caesar’s Windsor January 24. The whole thing seems fishy but they’re saying it’s close, which is why I didn’t schedule a Detroit show. Tag your Windsor/Detroit peeps who won’t yell WOO over every joke
15,238 Likes | 13 days ago | 75
Busy is one of the first friends I had in LA. When I booked my first movie, thankfully she was in it, and we got to go to London and Scotland where she made me laugh for literally a month straight. And here she is, still doing it. Busy Tonight 11pm on E! ❤️ 🐅 shirt @tarajarmon
13,040 Likes | 14 days ago | 410
For those of you asking if I miss Joe...I’m non stop making videos of us with Sarah McLachlan songs under them so you tell me. Thank you @centraltexaspigrescue for taking such good care of my little fighter.
884 Likes | 14 days ago | 34
I’m doing 5 shows in Lexington, Kentucky this weekend. Tag your Kentucky people and don’t worry I won’t wear this sweater at the shows.
15,218 Likes | 14 days ago | 136
Hell yes to a safe work environment for women everywhere and to doubling the number of qualified women in leadership positions in all industries #timesupx2 #timesup @timesupnow
3,373 Likes | 15 days ago | 218
Added some cities, added some shows to cities that sold out. Thank you everyone for being such cutie pies. Tickets at WhitneyCummings.com obvs
4,078 Likes | 15 days ago | 81
Sometimes it’s your job to entertain yourself. Thank you for putting up with my antics and complete refusal to take glamour seriously @kathleenkarridene @drtn. And thank you @busyphilipps for letting me wear some @tarajarmon cheetah realness on your show.
11,628 Likes | 16 days ago | 168
I really tried to have a night where I could be fancy and not be knee deep in horse and pig shit and not wear a plaid flannel but of course that’s the night it starts pouring raining in LA. At least this may save @tommylenk some time since I’m already wearing a trash bag. This is my favorite dress ever @madiyahalsharqi and I live for vegan leather cruelty free shoes @cultofcoquette ❤️ jewelry @tacoriofficial @sonaweaver. The genius behind it all is @nschneiderstyle. Hair @drtn make up @kathleenkarridene
16,082 Likes | 16 days ago | 140
Trying desperately to pose as well as @busyphilipps. It’s not going great. @tarajarmon thank you for the cheetah jumpsuit it’s all I really need frankly.
4,789 Likes | 16 days ago | 40
Tonight I am on @busyphilipps with these legends @kingirairaira and @rheabutcher. It’s live so my guess is I’m gonna be in big trouble very soon
16,199 Likes | 17 days ago | 280
I’m dead. A friend of mines son demanded that he get flowers for a girl in his class for her birthday. The result gave me hope in the future of humanity. Thank you @seamus__garrity for being a rad dad and making it so today wasn’t all panic attacks.
37,320 Likes | 17 days ago | 1,855
Here’s another video of me and my hologram @urban_pilates. Do we all have twins somewhere in the world or do I need to confront my mom?
2,094 Likes | 18 days ago | 115
I wonder which city I’ll leave my noise cancelling headphones in? Tag your pals from these cities so it’s not monsters at the shows thanks!
13,588 Likes | 18 days ago | 411
Dare I open this up to a caption contest? ❤️ @centraltexaspigrescue
38,305 Likes | 19 days ago | 965
Walking into 2019 like
1,324 Likes | 19 days ago | 68
Raleigh, NC - I’ll be there tomorrow and Saturday. It is a new venue and i know people are confused but we shall prevail. Also why does everyone pronounce Raleigh differently? It’s almost as controversial as the words cement and crayon.
31,035 Likes | 20 days ago | 902
After a 23 hour drive Joe is finally at @centraltexaspigrescue where they specialize in rehabilitating pigs who have been starved to stay small. He still has a long way to go and may always be a “special needs” pig due to the damage done to his body from malnutrition, but he now he has the best chance in the world. This magical wonderland has over 200 pigs so he will get to hang with other pigs and have 24-hour care from people who know way more than I do. To keep up with his progress and stupid butt, follow the angels at @centraltexaspigrescue. He will stay here until I’m done with my stand up tour (if you see it, you’ll notice I won’t be home at all to micromanage him) and after I shoot my special in March, we will figure out based on his health needs where the best place is for him to live full time. Once Joe is out of the woods I will share the details of his health horror show and the lengths we have gone to keep him alive. It’s just very bleak and disturbing and I don’t want to share negative images until we are in the clear. If you unfollow me because Joe isn’t currently in my house anymore, I completely understand. Special thanks to @livingwithpickles for dropping everything to be his co-parent and @exoticanimalvet for taking my sobbing screaming calls at midnight and being so cool when I had lost my wallet and didn’t pay you. Video of this bittersweet day in my stories ❤️
19,825 Likes | 20 days ago | 320
1,400 miles later and we finally made it to @centraltexaspigrescue and if I ever get on Farmers Only I think we all agree I have the most swipe-right-iest profile pic.
22,576 Likes | 21 days ago | 314
This is real and I’m laughing too hard to even write a funny caption @chrisdelia I love you but this not something I was mentally prepared for.
9,645 Likes | 21 days ago | 95
Thank you New Mexico for making every photo taken here make me seem effortlessly easy going and tasteful because I’m neither
6,871 Likes | 22 days ago | 439
Happy New Year - OMW. What shows are you coming to and what kind of service animal are you bringing?
4,479 Likes | 22 days ago | 90
This is the greatest compliment of my life but i have some questions - I’m not up on my news but did @kerrywashington marry Neil Diamond this morning or something
2,445 Likes | 23 days ago | 79
I’ll be shooting my next stand up special in my home town of Washington, D.C. I promise I won’t be wearing this denim jumpsuit. Tag your DC people. Tix avail now. @netflixisajoke
45,656 Likes | 23 days ago | 2,576
I have a feeling I wasn’t told the truth about how many siblings i have - does anything else explain my Portland doppelgänger @urban_pilates
4,574 Likes | 23 days ago | 30
People are posting 2018 highlights and it’s making me feel pressure to do it too, so here’s one of my highlights @sofiavergara and @joemanganiello being the cutest couple ever before the premiere of #TheFemaleBrain ❤️ 🧠 @nealbrennan @ifcfilms
9,756 Likes | 24 days ago | 178
Yes I do pix with fans after the show
7,849 Likes | 25 days ago | 125
Another day another doggie
6,243 Likes | 25 days ago | 165
Joe is plotting his revenge to eat me alive for the amount of times he’s had to go to the vet and get X-rayed and stuck with needles in the past month. His chronic pneumonia is getting a bit better but he’s got some (what hopefully isn’t permanent) scarring on his lungs, so it’s still very touch and go. We are taking it one day at a time and thankfully the angels @centraltexaspigrescue are going to take care of him for a couple months while I’m touring and shooting my special so he can be 24/7 supervised by incredible vets and staff who specialize in the care of piglets who have been starved to stay small. And when he’s healthy enough he can start socializing with other pigs. Before my shows in Raleigh I’ll be driving him to Texas so get ready for some piggie poop in the car fire content. Thank you @exoticanimalvet for keeping him alive!
1,313 Likes | 26 days ago | 71
Who is coming to Lexington shows and what do I do during the day my loves?
5,715 Likes | 27 days ago | 183
The tiny hands gifts for my niece was a hit
2,600 Likes | 27 days ago | 122
Just added some more shows like a jackass
2,039 Likes | 28 days ago | 24
This is my niece having lunch with the stuffed animals she won at a fair and what does it say about our society that it was the most civilized and sane conversation I’ve heard in a long time.
11,060 Likes | 28 days ago | 288
Merry Christmas you filthy animal from my not as filthy as I thought he would be animal
4,864 Likes | 29 days ago | 107
And on Christmas she figured out that she’s basically a dog who dresses like an Aspen divorcee in the 80s
5,909 Likes | 29 days ago | 73
I sneakily filmed my fiancée and busted him being perfect on Christmas.
7,463 Likes | 29 days ago | 208
I’m not entirely sure I’m gonna survive this documented act of violence but i blame myself because i bought them tiny hands/crowbars (yes she’s still trying to cut my head off)
10,816 Likes | 30 days ago | 96
I wrapped my niece in a wrapping paper suit of armor and I’m slightly worried it’s gonna be my greatest accomplishment in life. Sweater that makes nieces love me courtesy of @rachelantonoff
1,194 Likes | 30 days ago | 144
Thank the lord for TSA pre-check. New dates just added before I shoot my special in D.C. Which cities did I miss?
6,632 Likes | 31 days ago | 159
My nieces are going to rule the world.
8,616 Likes | 31 days ago | 2,528
18,411 Likes | 32 days ago | 277
Joe would like everyone to know that he is a damn GIFT therefore will be under the tree where he belongs. @centraltexaspigrescue thank you for all the amazing advice as we try and get Joe healthy.
1,198 Likes | 33 days ago | 34
Vancouver. If I start looking for my passport now I should be able to find it in time to make this show in Canada Feb 16.
11,893 Likes | 33 days ago | 173
Okay now this is the kind of photoshop I can get behind. I hope you approve @jameelajamilofficial. Thank you for being insane enough to make this @onebyonepodcast. Good reminder to freeze more eggs.
5,092 Likes | 33 days ago | 167
I don’t want to bum you out with graphic images of injured animals or bombard you with logistics, but the animals who have not been claimed in the Paradise fires and owners who lost everything and need help with their animals as they rebuild can sign them over today. It’s a shocking number of animals. If you can share on social, tag friends who can also share, or donate, please help @burtonspride and @thatvegasguy and follow their heroic work. Right now they primarily need money for gas cards to get trailers up. If you know more than me about this situation, great! Please share helpful info in the comments so people know who to follow, etc. I’m working on intel about how to best help the humans too, but waiting on legit info. More to come. ❤️
12,975 Likes | 34 days ago | 547
Joe would like to remind everyone to never give up.
30,273 Likes | 34 days ago | 599
Okay maybe i could swing motherhood after all. 👏 @girls.girls.girls.magazine
14,320 Likes | 35 days ago | 191
The fighter and the pig. You guess who is who. @thefighterandthekid
1,169 Likes | 35 days ago | 68
I am coming to Portland soon so tag your Portland pals and obviously all hipster coffee shop suggestions are welcome even though I’m gonna add so much sugar to your perfect coffee and you can’t stop me lol
2,498 Likes | 36 days ago | 61
I love the show Adam Ruins Everything. It’s smart and fresh and educational and funny and I’m very grateful he asked me to help educate people on the nightmare that it was to be a female flight attendant in the 50s even though I still have Bobby pins stuck in my scalp from the dumb hat. I can’t believe we actually got a take where I didn’t break character laughing at @joshruben. Airs tonight on Netflix at 10!
13,627 Likes | 37 days ago | 874
Happy Holidays! This is the best gift I could get.
6,990 Likes | 38 days ago | 567
Last night in Nashville someone brought me my eighth grade yearbook and I was reminded all over again why I carry around a smattering of rage. Can anyone beat me in terms of nicknames they got in high school?
24,970 Likes | 38 days ago | 914
If you insist on taking photos during the show please make sure it’s from a flattering angle 📷 @velocirafftor
6,362 Likes | 38 days ago | 75
Today I had the time of my goddamn life making out with pigs and ponies at @brettsbarn. Bravo to the incredible work they do. @linabryan3 you are an angel of all angels and I am happily covered in shit 😇 @brightforbrett ❤️
5,812 Likes | 39 days ago | 407
Today I’m forcing myself to go 30 days without apologizing unless I’ve actually done something wrong. Who wants to join me? Or tag a pal who should ❤️@thejfharris is holding me accountable.
17,726 Likes | 39 days ago | 388
1,952 Likes | 40 days ago | 58
I will be shooting my next stand up special in my home town of Washington, D.C. if comedy is still allowed in March. tag your DC pals.
3,197 Likes | 40 days ago | 51
Thank you @noellefloyd for putting this video together about the struggle to rescue and rebuild during and after the fires. I love you @bethbehrs ❤️ Full link in bio. @onelovemalibu
8,249 Likes | 41 days ago | 830
I need someone to explain the science of this photo to me right this instant. If it moves it means you’re stressed and if you take deep breaths it stops? It moves a ton when i look at it. Does that make the dress blue or gold? God damn it @onebyonepodcast why did you post this?! Now I’m in a panic 🤯
839 Likes | 41 days ago | 33
I’m coming to Buffalo - tag your friends who live there and tell them to bring me gloves because I promise I’ll leave them on the plane
14,573 Likes | 41 days ago | 257
One last snuggle with Joe before I leave him to go to Nashville. I’m gonna miss his dumb face and stupid butt.
11,083 Likes | 42 days ago | 216
Look, this post is going to be dorky. If you have my book you know that the first chapter is about how Paul Reiser is why I wanted to be a comedian. I found his book Couplehood at a yard sale when I was 12, and it instantly made me feel better about how my brain would obsessively deconstruct little elements in life that most people don’t even really notice. My brain naturally already did that and I always felt like I must be crazy until I read his book, which was written by someone who is a master of making jokes about our quirks. His book made me realize that maybe how my observational brain worked was actually a skill on some level instead of some kid of defect. When I had the opportunity to do a TV show, I always thought of it as a “Present Day Mad About You” since that was my favorite show. I don’t know what I’m trying to say here, just that I got to meet one of my heroes and although I did embarrass myself a bit, I can at least take a moment to let that 12 year old girl know not to be ashamed of how her brain worked.
2,582 Likes | 43 days ago | 267
Tag your pals in these cities especially if they bring service dogs to stand up shows 🤗
5,245 Likes | 43 days ago | 154
Trust me you want to work with me 🤢
874 Likes | 44 days ago | 38
I’ll be in Nashville THIS weekend but do not expect to see this hair extension ponytail. Tag your Nashville pals so it’s not crazy people at the shows thanks
8,979 Likes | 44 days ago | 382
I’m officially too old to mosh. If someone could get me an ottoman that would be great @metallica — and yes thank you to everyone pointing this out — I wear turtlenecks to rock shows like an AUNT #metallica
13,474 Likes | 44 days ago | 276
Well, I guess the best thing that was gonna happen to me in life happened, so not really sure where to go from here. Thank you @papa_het_ @metallica
4,460 Likes | 44 days ago | 32
Happy very belated birthday to my sister @natashabedingfield. Sorry I had to wait to post a public happy birthday until I had a flattering photo of us smooshing our boobs together 🤗pic by @gilbertfloresphoto
7,569 Likes | 45 days ago | 298
I’m gonna get carpal tunnel from filming Joe. Send help.
1,174 Likes | 46 days ago | 137
Tag your friends in these cities and please give me advice on where to eat and visit and all the things normal humans do even though I’m already tired from just thinking about this schedule
12,293 Likes | 46 days ago | 129
I miss UTAH 🦄 @blueskyutah @savinggraciefoundation_
19,941 Likes | 47 days ago | 219
Not sure why in this photo I completely froze with panic but I’m so grateful for the giant hearts of @hilaryduff and @oliviamunn. We love you @loveleorescue and all you’re tireless work getting dogs with severe medical needs out of shelters and focusing on prevention via spay and neuter programs. #adoptdontshop
6,067 Likes | 47 days ago | 120
Baskets and basket case ❤️ @louieanderson
3,494 Likes | 47 days ago | 36
Over the past couple weeks I’ve seen this badass legend show up in an incredibly inspiring way. She put together an 8 hour concert for the Woolsey fire victims (which raised 1 million dollars) and when I asked if she could perform at the @equalitynoworg gala the next night, she said yes without hesitation despite her insanely busy schedule. Thank god you exist @reallindaperry. Please clone yourself. And teach us all how to pull off cool hats like only you can. Linda also did the music for Dumplin on Netflix with @dollyparton so goodbye since I’m about to watch it brb
5,683 Likes | 48 days ago | 131
Ya girl pulled it together this morning and wore something that isn’t a plaid flannel shirt for the @hollywoodreporter Power 100 Women in Entertainment breakfast. 👏to all the brilliant women honored. Thank you for being my date @milckmusic💄💇🏻♀️👗@nschneiderstyle @jamiemakeup @drtn
4,011 Likes | 49 days ago | 30
LOL queens @aliwong @comiclonilove 👏
17,341 Likes | 49 days ago | 312
Joe is getting into the holiday spirit because come on. Yup, I guess I just post piglets in costumes now. 📷 @livingwithpickles
5,272 Likes | 49 days ago | 40
This is the face I make when I’m trying to keep my heart from bursting out of my chest. An honor to watch @amandlasponsored and @traceeellisross in poignant conversation at @equalitynoworg. 🙌🏼
7,284 Likes | 50 days ago | 206
Well, it happened. I met my hero Margaret Atwood and I completely unraveled. She had every right to file a restraining order against me but she was kind, gracious and FUNNY. I blacked out but I’ll watch this video on a loop until I can see her again which will be soon because from now on I’m camping in front of her house. On her lawn. Where I will live forever. Thank you @equalitynoworg ❤️ Who is the person you’d lose your mind around if you met them? Am I alone in this?! ❤️
6,316 Likes | 51 days ago | 72
Trust me, you want me and @sanctionedjohnnygalecki to host your event. It’s mostly me yelling and him looking at me bewildered. was blown away by the incredible people donated their time and talents to raise money for the Woolsey Fire victims via @onelovemalibu and @onegunranch. The legendary @reallindaperry worked miracles to put it together. Not pictured: me uncontrollably crying when i saw Alanis Morissette and me having an existential crisis watching @brandicarlile cover a Jhoni Mitchell song. Swipe for some performance highlights and sorry for the billion tags. @katyperry@ritaora@gwenstefani @dorothy @angelhaze @macygrayday @alanis @incubusofficial @brandicarlile @alanis @gilbertfloresphoto @wah_music @ritawilson @rachelantonoff @natashabedingfield @nikkireed
10,146 Likes | 51 days ago | 419
I’m just gonna go ahead and post this because ❤️ but also so people stop sending it it to me 😊Thank you but I GOT IT everyone! Tag a pal who needs to cry before work.
6,153 Likes | 52 days ago | 181
I mean I think we all knew this was bound to happen. I’m now a damn cow lady. @blueskyutah please let me live with you. On this tour I’m gonna try and visit as many cool sanctuaries and charities I can in the daytime before shows. Suggestions welcome ❤️
20,904 Likes | 52 days ago | 304
Well I met my soulmate and his name is Hank. Thank you @savinggraciefoundation_ for letting me come visit while I was in Salt Lake City doing shows. Hey Delta, can I check a cow?
2,229 Likes | 53 days ago | 48
Thank you @jimbreuer_official for dropping by my Salt Lake City show and making me pee my panties
19,478 Likes | 54 days ago | 388
Joe update: he’s ridiculous.
6,357 Likes | 54 days ago | 150
The great @jimbreuer_official surprised me in Salt Lake City so we could compare foreheads
1,131 Likes | 54 days ago | 38
I’ll be celebrating New Years Eve by entertaining drunk people in Phoenix. Come be one of those people 🎉 the show is early so you still have time to go out after to engage is debauchery and skullduggery 💀
5,337 Likes | 55 days ago | 78
Hey Hollywood whenever you’re ready to make the female version of Dr. Dolittle let me know because I just shot the poster
1,180 Likes | 55 days ago | 39
I love Philadelphia. I went to college there, so everyone who saw me drunkenly dancing to Ja Rule in 2000 come on down and see me run my new hour.
1,707 Likes | 56 days ago | 39
Honored to support @malibufoundation this Sunday with all these huge hearted legends. If you can’t come, you can donate at TheMalibuFoundation.org. Thank you @reallindaperry @katyperry@gwenstefani and the many other icons donating their time and talents. 💛💗
5,237 Likes | 56 days ago | 85
Bumping Mics is streaming now on @netflixisajoke. It’s @daveattell and @therealjeffreyross. Here’s a photo of me right before I breastfed Dave
14,986 Likes | 56 days ago | 292
Phew. Joes surgery went great. Little fighter is doing well. Thank you for all the love and @livingwithpickles for taking such good care of him since I’m on tour. Also I just post about piglets now?
10,278 Likes | 57 days ago | 137
As you may have noticed, I kind of have a thing for horses. If you respect them and respect yourself, there’s no cooler partnership to have with an animal. I’m super lucky my guy is safe and sound as you can see, but since today is #givingtuesday I’m gonna give to some orgs that need some support right now. @skydogsanctuary gives a forever home to mustangs who have ended up in horrible situations, at kill pens, slaughter auctions, you name it. They lost half their ranch in the Woolsey fires. If you donate today, they get matched funds from Facebook and PayPal. Skydog is also giving a portion of the donations they receive to the California firefighters as a thank you for saving their ranch. Pretty cool.
1,755 Likes | 57 days ago | 139
I’ll be in “Canada”/Detroit soon. Am I going to freeze to death?
3,436 Likes | 58 days ago | 96
🐐 of all 🐐 @madflavors_world — what’s your favorite Joey Diaz Story?!
3,578 Likes | 58 days ago | 30
I had the crazy honor of seeing the great Cicely Tyson receive an honorary Oscar. YouTube her speech if you want your heart to explode then implode then explode again.
11,065 Likes | 59 days ago | 355
I’m feeling like I may regret opening this up to a caption contest?
19,350 Likes | 60 days ago | 256
Be still my pig. I’m so scared to post too many updates on Joe since I’m terrified he may not be out of the woods on his health issues, but @livingwithpickles is taking care of him for the next couple weeks, so he’s in the best hands possible. Follow her for by the minute updates on him. He does have a home lined up, and we will reveal who the lucky winner is once it’s all said and done. But trust me, he’s gonna be happy as a pig in shit.
5,169 Likes | 60 days ago | 147
Got ‘em. If you aren’t following @theovon what are you even doing?
9,655 Likes | 61 days ago | 130
I really want to caption this pic “name this sitcom” so feel free because y’all are always hilarious with that game, but I also gotta be sincere for a sec and thank this heavenly angel @nikkireed for being the goddess of all goddesses and co-hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for people who lost their homes in the fires. The showed up hard this past week, giving me inspiration and very literal advice on chickens. Proceeds went to @losangelesfiredepartment and @safeplaceforyouth. Bravo @cafegratitude for stepping up.
16,699 Likes | 61 days ago | 608
I’m not even sure how to caption this so I’ll just shut up and let you enjoy a video of Joe having Thanksgiving dinner with @livingwithpickles. Please plan my funeral because I’m officially dead.
8,340 Likes | 61 days ago | 74
Okay now my Thanksgiving is getting happy AF. Thank you @ohsnapjbsmoove and his unicorn of a wife @shahclectic for supporting the Cafe Gratitude event for families who lost their homes in the fires. @cafegratitude ❤️🍽❤️
4,500 Likes | 62 days ago | 89
Thank you for all the volunteers who DMd me on Instagram, then actually showed up, then didn’t murder me, then spent two hours playing Tetris with donations so they could all fit into a truck that’s going up to the Paradise fire victims. I am aware that a lot of donation centers are full and overwhelmed. We have some places that for sure do need donations of all kinds, but feel free to throw out any updated information in the comments. Always helpful. @animalhopeandwellness thank you for going up north personally to execute this and @hitlivingfoundation for driving the truck up! And thank you @milesrogers for catching me every time I fell over because my core refuses to engage. If you were one of the volunteers who showed up please comment so I find and thank you. ❤️
21,224 Likes | 62 days ago | 741
This bud was evacuated from the Woolsey Fire. I can’t tell you his name but when I beg the owners to give him to me what should I re-name him? My pitch is Titus the tortoise. Call me Pixar so we can get that movie going.
18,012 Likes | 63 days ago | 260
Thank you to @tessholliday for coming over after going to Disneyland and bringing us some happiest place on earth vibes for our engagement photos. I’ve really been dropping the ball with self care lately but she whipped me back into shape by bringing me face masks, refusing to let me self-deprecate, coddling my baby pig, making me laugh, and letting me ogle her tattoos. All that made up for the fact that you think my favorite coconut water “tastes like ball sweat.”❤️
17,557 Likes | 64 days ago | 317
This goats name is Brad Pitt. That is all.
10,094 Likes | 64 days ago | 231
The great @bertkreischer is donating to the Paradise fire victims with us. This machine has a big heart! Lotta @joerogan @seguratom @thefighterandthekid swag on the way❤️