Chelsea Handler Snapchat: chelseahandler #1 New York Times Best Seller | LIFE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME 🍊 iHeart Podcast every Thursday Stand-Up Comedy Tour | Tickets👇🏼 | linktr.ee/chelseahandler|
Chelsea Handler Posts
48,471 Likes | 1672 days ago | 1,385
Hello Privilege. It’s me, Chelsea - coming to @Netflix September 13th.
19,093 Likes | 1673 days ago | 179
This is Bert’s reaction when I say the word, “journey.” #momlife
6,773 Likes | 1673 days ago | 162
Monday. You’ve got this like I’ve got my dry cleaning.
81,979 Likes | 1674 days ago | 1,712
After I take an edible and decide to go swimming.
29,441 Likes | 1675 days ago | 1,542
3,410 Likes | 1676 days ago | 367
I’m coming on tour to a city near you. Tickets on sale now! 🍊 Link in bio #LifeWillBeTheDeathOfMe
19,313 Likes | 1677 days ago | 274
I messed up and thought someone said the mushrooms were in the pool.
11,194 Likes | 1677 days ago | 153
I sit down with “Andy Barracuda” @andypuddicombe founder of meditation app @headspace for a conversation about his life, meditation, and monkhood 🍊 Click the link in bio to listen #lifewillbethedeathofme
5,259 Likes | 1678 days ago | 414
I’m very excited to be adding new dates for my 'Life Will Be the Death of Me' Stand-Up Tour in the US and CANADA 🍊PRESALE Tickets available using code STANDUP Thursday, August 15th @ 10am #lifewillbethedeathofme sorry- there was a mistake in earlier post so Kansas City is in MISSOURI. Bam!
2,091 Likes | 1678 days ago | 227
I’m very excited to be adding new dates for my 'Life Will Be the Death of Me' Stand-Up Tour in the US and CANADA 🍊PRESALE Tickets available using code STANDUP Thursday, August 15th @ 10am #lifewillbethedeathofme
15,538 Likes | 1680 days ago | 140
“Don’t you have anything better to do?”—Bert Handler #dphuehouse
43,344 Likes | 1681 days ago | 2,019
#SavorySummerSundays
19,043 Likes | 1683 days ago | 661
#sharestrong @kateupton
38,084 Likes | 1683 days ago | 2,545
111,545 Likes | 1684 days ago | 3,621
2,295 Likes | 1684 days ago | 37
This week I sit down with Writer, Editor, and Imposter Syndrome Survivor, Courtenay Hameister (@wisenheimer_pdx) for a conversation on family, sex and my babysitting career.
9,513 Likes | 1685 days ago | 170
Doing my kitchen chores with my new friends who I met at a retreat for victims of gun violence. If you’re like me and want to do more, this is an organization that you can donate your time or your money to. http://SurvivorsEmpowered.org http://survivorsempowered.org/donate And thank you to @mindfulskatergirl for inviting me. There’s more info in my stories. You can also donate to cover the transportation costs of Victims and Survivors of Mass Shooting/Gun Violence representing ten communities for a Trauma-Informed Mindfulness Healing Retreat, which is in my stories.
138,331 Likes | 1685 days ago | 3,308
38,325 Likes | 1688 days ago | 850
#Repost @elizabethbanks ・・・ America can ban assault weapons. We don’t have to live this way. Honor the victims of these preventable murders by getting involved (@everytown @momsdemand ) and finding leaders - whatever your party - that support #gunsense and VOTE
27,948 Likes | 1690 days ago | 283
I met someone. @romcaz #thewiseowl
54,041 Likes | 1690 days ago | 841
#Repost @kenziebrookshire ・・・ This is the last paragraph of the last chapter and it really got me. This book is magic. 🖤 #lifewillbethedeathofme🍊
56,673 Likes | 1691 days ago | 1,235
This is the look of someone who accidentally dropped her edibles in the sea, and has 3 hours left on a boat with 7 children.
13,726 Likes | 1691 days ago | 183
New Podcast Episode - My bestie @marycmccormack reviews my dating history. 🍊 link in bio to subscribe and listen. #lifewillbethedeathofme
93,136 Likes | 1693 days ago | 1,081
My sisters had babies so that I never had to. #thevineyard
23,972 Likes | 1695 days ago | 815
8,590 Likes | 1695 days ago | 92
Thank you to New Orleans for a great night in your beautiful city. I ate like a queen. Adding more stand up dates soon! #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
13,089 Likes | 1696 days ago | 217
Thank you, Nashville! I ducking love your city and I Love the Ryman. See you tonight, NEW ORLEANS! - On stage photograph by 📸 Steve Lowry/Ryman Archives
22,025 Likes | 1697 days ago | 403
Brandon and i have arrived on Nashville. #nashville. See everyone tonight at the #rymanauditorium #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
10,236 Likes | 1698 days ago | 154
This week's episode is a special on the U.S. Border and how each of us can help. I sat down to record this episode this week with advocates Shannon Camacho, and Archana Sahgal, to discuss what is actually happening at the U.S. Border and how to help. Episode 10 of #lifewillbethedeathofme🍊 Link to listen and subscribe in bio.
22,453 Likes | 1699 days ago | 445
Brandon, once again, is mind fucking me in order to gain control over my mind.
23,826 Likes | 1699 days ago | 212
Happy birthday to my favorite road companion. Today is your 36th bday and we have been together for many years and have traveled from Indianapolis, Cleveland, Clearwater, Hawaii, to New Zealand, New Delhi, and Moscow. I left the pictures off from Moscow, because you almost passed away there. You have been by my side unflinchingly since you started interning on chelsea lately, and even though most of the things we do are related to me, it is me who is now walking by your side, because you have lead the way for me for so many years. You are a golden girl. True to her word. The world is lucky to have you, and everyone you choose to have in your life (short list) is lucky to have been chosen by you. Happy birthday, bitch.
6,780 Likes | 1700 days ago | 69
Greetings from Uganda! Thank you @twejaka for sending. This made my day. @nyakaschool
18,192 Likes | 1701 days ago | 343
I've started a new group on Facebook stemming from my book "Life Will Be the Death of Me". Sisters supporting sisters, bro’s welcome too. My own therapy and your messages taught me I am not alone in this and neither are you. I encourage anyone seeking support from others to join. I also hope each person that joins works to put out their hand for someone else. Let's do this together. 🍊#THEORANGEROOM #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME Request to join 👇(Link in Bio) http://bit.ly/THEORANGEROOM
17,414 Likes | 1702 days ago | 536
38,540 Likes | 1703 days ago | 394
This is what my dating game looks like. It’s the same as it’s been since the 2nd grade. #lifewillbethedeathofme
16,088 Likes | 1704 days ago | 314
This is my lion king. And the King of Bel Air. #lionking
27,404 Likes | 1705 days ago | 314
Rides up the coast with #bert.
12,370 Likes | 1705 days ago | 133
Episode 9 of my podcast is with Natasha Lyonne. We talk all about children and not wanting them, white privilege, and Cannabis. Link in Bio to listen. 🍊#lifewillbethedeathofme @nlyonne
23,600 Likes | 1706 days ago | 257
When mama kidnaps my dogs and they prefer it. #bertandbernice
14,172 Likes | 1707 days ago | 366
This is what I will be doing this Fall – I’m coming back to AUSTRALIA and NEW ZEALAND for Life Will be the Death of Me. Swipe right for all international shows this Fall. Adding new markets and dates soon. Link in bio for tickets. #brisbane #sydney #melbourne #auckland
36,288 Likes | 1707 days ago | 434
#repost @excellentwords
33,215 Likes | 1708 days ago | 1,088
About to start my period.
37,438 Likes | 1709 days ago | 1,570
#calzoneanyone?
10,774 Likes | 1709 days ago | 130
MINNEAPOLIS, thank you for last night! Such a fun show with great people in an awesome city. I love you guys. And you too, St. Louis 🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme
12,510 Likes | 1710 days ago | 168
Thank you, St. Louis. I love you. See you tonight, Minneapolis. Also, this last photo is my driver and I in St. Louis, best driver here, ask for Al! @jed_limousine #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊 📸 @jasongonulsen
46,182 Likes | 1711 days ago | 1,257
#repost @motherjonesmag ・・・ Drawing on their experiences visiting a border facility in Clint, Texas last week, four Democratic congresswomen delivered powerful testimony at a hearing about the mistreatment of migrants at the United States’ southern border.⠀ ⠀ The four women—Reps. @ocasio2018 (D-N.Y.), @repayannapressley (D-Mass.), Veronica Escobar (D-Texas), and @rashidatlaib (D-Mich.)—argued for an end to the detainment of migrants at Friday’s House Oversight and Reform Committee hearing.⠀ ⠀ “This is a manufactured crisis because there is no need for us to do this,” Ocasio-Cortez said during her testimony. “There’s no need for us to overcrowd and to detain and to under-resource. There is no need for us to arrest innocent people and treat them no differently than criminals when they are pursuing their basic human rights.”⠀ ⠀ Pressley spoke passionately about the women she saw sitting on the concrete floor at the Clint border facility.⠀ ⠀ “After everything these women have endured—fleeing violence, deep poverty, sexual violence, domestic abuse—they arrive at the crest of this nation only to be torn apart from their babies and thrown in cages for seeking asylum, a legal right, a human right,” she said. “And in spite of all of that, they believe so fiercely in the promise of this nation.”
68,641 Likes | 1711 days ago | 7,521
This is called a Whoopsie doodle! #repost @crazybitchprobs_ #frenchbulldogs
19,983 Likes | 1712 days ago | 223
I think it’s weird to post professional photos of your dogs, so here. #bernice @jackjunk @dphue you can get your hair colored while they photograph your dog.
10,552 Likes | 1712 days ago | 112
Episode 8 of my podcast is out. Discussing fitness with the three who think they know the most in the game, @benbrunotraining, Bernice, and Brandon. Listen and Subscribe, Link in bio. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
24,906 Likes | 1713 days ago | 956
4,554 Likes | 1714 days ago | 197
New International market added, I’m bringing my stand-up tour to AUCKLAND on 9 October 🍊 Presale Tickets available 11 July at 12pm NZST / 10 July, 5pm PDT. Link in bio for tickets. #lifewillbethedeathofme
16,431 Likes | 1714 days ago | 563
Coming back from vacation like, duck. #repost @jerryoftheday
17,478 Likes | 1715 days ago | 399
27,419 Likes | 1716 days ago | 214
I told Bert and Bernice to get the decks resanded before I came home. #bertandbernice
34,870 Likes | 1717 days ago | 328
What Jersey girls wear for hangovers after the 4th of July. #childhoodmemories
10,140 Likes | 1718 days ago | 107
This week's episode is out and back with round 2 of Sean Hayes and me in Chicago from my "Life Will Be the Death of Me" tour. Link in bio to listen. 🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme @seanhayes 📸 @kirstinewalton
43,626 Likes | 1719 days ago | 284
Because I happen to believe Bert is from Spain and Bernice is from Romania, I've decided to celebrate this day from my favorite city, London. Happy 4th of July Everyone. #fourthofjuly
14,057 Likes | 1719 days ago | 119
CHEL-SKI! #london #4thofjuly
16,023 Likes | 1719 days ago | 231
#Repost @ittybittyshorts ・・・ 🇺🇸 Declaration of Independence 🇺🇸 “all are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness ... But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”
23,065 Likes | 1720 days ago | 558
44,078 Likes | 1721 days ago | 687
Before I left for vacation, I told Bert he needed to get a job. 👔 #bert
127,686 Likes | 1721 days ago | 1,802
Yeah.
21,105 Likes | 1722 days ago | 643
16,774 Likes | 1722 days ago | 251
It’s vacation time for me in London, and I’m ready for some action. I’ll be in the park, waiting. #singledom #wimbledon
44,472 Likes | 1723 days ago | 388
The people standing in front of this house had been looking for any sign from two loved ones they have recently lost, and then went to clean out their dad’s things, and looked up and saw a double rainbow. Rainbows are everywhere when you heart is broken, and even more places when your heart is open. The rainbow is a perfect symbol for PRIDE.Rainbows aren’t unicorns. They’re real and they’re for all of us. HAPPY PRIDE!!🌈🌈 #doublerainbow
8,493 Likes | 1723 days ago | 126
Thank you WESTBURY for a great night and wrap to the first weekend of stand-up on my tour. And thank you to everyone who has continued to support @truecolorsunited on this tour by purchasing my “I Decide” T-shirts and bracelets. I’m not stopping at $52,000, lets get to $100,000! HAPPY Pride Everyone! #loveislove #pride - #lifewillbethedeathofme
7,920 Likes | 1724 days ago | 84
I want to thank everyone not only for joining me on this incredible tour but supporting all of the great "I Decide" Merchandise along the way. Thanks to YOU, I was able to donate $51,000 to the organization True Colors United @truecolorsunited. Continue buying t-shirts and #idecide bracelets for the remainder of my stand-up tour to help continue to support this organization that helps youth homelessness in the LGBTQIA community. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME 📸 @linaresphotography @thewellmonttheater #newjerseypride I DECIDE t-shirts and bracelets are available at every show and on my website. Chelseahandler.com Let’s get to 100k! HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE!🌈
21,643 Likes | 1725 days ago | 1,115
#Repost @travel.afrika ・・・ These buddies will help you on your six pack journey. Please take notes @benbrunotraining
14,462 Likes | 1725 days ago | 259
Thank you, Atlanta for a great night kicking off my stand-up comedy tour. Proceeds from last nights show will be going to Feminist Women’s Health Center @feministcenter. These are two of my favorite fans that keep showing up wherever I perform! @shells2711 @west.sean.michael #lifewillbethedeathofme
21,288 Likes | 1726 days ago | 225
New Podcast Episode! This week and next week’s episode of my podcast will be from my two shows in Chicago with SEAN HAYES! Link in bio to listen. #Lifewillbethedeathofme
26,630 Likes | 1727 days ago | 985
56,249 Likes | 1728 days ago | 1,085
Since I’m heading back to Jersey for my stand-up show this weekend, Brandon decided to get me a crimper to get back to my roots.
29,160 Likes | 1729 days ago | 307
This is not an endorsement. I drink cannabis. #bert
18,794 Likes | 1729 days ago | 337
@thetalkcbs hair by @christinesymondshair @harrymakesitup ill be on today.
23,517 Likes | 1729 days ago | 321
Me coming out of my room this am to find these two fuckers waiting for me!!! Yes! It has happened! They understand that I live in my house, too! #bertandbernice
22,921 Likes | 1730 days ago | 201
Big Daddy waiting for Mabel to bring him snacks in bed.
9,293 Likes | 1731 days ago | 157
Thank you, Seattle. I love this city and I love all of you for coming out and seeing my show. I’ll be back soon! #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊 @annabellegurwitch1 📸 @mattlambphoto
14,764 Likes | 1732 days ago | 499
All independent bookstores who have copies of my books in upcoming tour cities, please let us know so I can swing by and sign them. Seattle, Atlanta, Montclair, Westbury, L.I., St. Louis, Minneapolis, Nashville, New Orleans. 💁🏼♀️🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme
9,191 Likes | 1732 days ago | 145
Thank you, Portland, for an awesome show last night and thank you to everyone for this whole tour. It has brought me back to stand-up, something I never thought I wanted to do again, and I’m loving it. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊 - 📸 @mattlambphoto
133,027 Likes | 1733 days ago | 2,974
#funassholefacts
6,381 Likes | 1733 days ago | 164
Episode 5 of my podcast is here! With my psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel, listen to him explain my personality type (and yours). It's the Enneagram Episode. 🍊 Link in bio to listen. #lifewillbethedeathofme
4,949 Likes | 1734 days ago | 188
Thank you to everyone who has listened! 🍊🍊🍊 Life Will Be The Death of Me is included in Apples's picks for the Best Audiobooks of the Year! @applebooks #AppleBooks #BestAudiobooks @prhaudio
20,101 Likes | 1734 days ago | 960
4,548 Likes | 1734 days ago | 457
More dates being announced soon! Stand-Up shows added to the US and Australia cities as part of my “Life Will Be the Death of Me” Tour. Get your tickets now, link in bio! 🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme
121,920 Likes | 1735 days ago | 2,686
I want everyone to know this is what I'm dealing with every day. I've broken 8 straighteners this year alone.
25,371 Likes | 1735 days ago | 1,070
21,017 Likes | 1736 days ago | 310
For anyone who’s looking for a rainbow today. #yosemite
85,257 Likes | 1736 days ago | 1,653
I’ve avoided our national parks my whole life because of the way my brother died, and this year, I decided that was over. What a great reminder of how absolutely beautiful our world is, and how imperative it is to protect these majestic places. I’m glad these were the last kinds of reminders my brother got to see. It sure makes you believe in all sorts of magic.
5,600 Likes | 1737 days ago | 373
I am coming to AUSTRALIA! Adding shows in BRISBANE, SYDNEY and MELBOURNE in October. Come see me on the other side of the world for my stand-up show. #lifewillbethedeathofme | 🍊 PRESALE Tickets now available using code SITDOWN! Get your presale tickets now through Wed 19 Jun, 10am AEST (Tue 18 Jun, 5pm PST). Link in bio for Tickets.
35,421 Likes | 1737 days ago | 208
This is my father, Seymour. He was strong and full of life. He loved his children, and we loved him. Except for that time he tried to trick his Jamaican nurse into marrying him. Happy Father’s Day to everyone. 🍓 My dad loved strawberries. #happyfathersday
40,546 Likes | 1738 days ago | 679
49,466 Likes | 1739 days ago | 1,868
#Repost @chelsanity ・・・ Donate to a cause that is helping women in the state of Georgia get safe access to healthcare. #abortionAF @abortionfront | DONATE 👉 abortionfunds.org - Thank you to everyone who talked about how to get resources to underfunded orgs that matter FOLLOW EVERYONE these women are leaders on the ground whose voices should be amplified. They *should* have a platform on television to talk about communities most direly impacted #weareabortionaf follow, donate, amplify. Thank you to all involved for last night and the opportunity to do more.
23,013 Likes | 1739 days ago | 689
When it comes to the kitchen. I Decide. #lifewillbethedeathofme
22,643 Likes | 1740 days ago | 277
#tbt To the first time I shaved Bert so I could see what kind of meat he was packing. #chowchow
23,933 Likes | 1740 days ago | 247
Episode 4 of my podcast is out! @conniebritton and I talked all about taking your dog's Xanax during my show in Dallas. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊Link in bio to listen.
26,978 Likes | 1741 days ago | 2,771
#Repost @shaunking ・・・ Cops in Miami, Florida prepared to Taser a man that they already had subdued. Cop instead accidentally Tasers himself. I’d sincerely like to see that cop then take commands and orders while he is being electrocuted. Of course it would be impossible. It’s gross that our nation even has the option of electrocution. Over 1,000 people have died from being electrocuted by police.
87,099 Likes | 1741 days ago | 3,325
#Repost @benbrunotraining ・・・ When you’ve maxed out the dumbbells... #bernice preparing for my stand-up comedy tour. New cities added.
24,946 Likes | 1742 days ago | 258
This is where Bert sits when he has to wait 20 minutes after his lunch before he swims. #thelionking #bert
25,098 Likes | 1742 days ago | 240
My baby bert on my bosom. #breastfeeding
22,812 Likes | 1743 days ago | 136
Bert has picked up some of his sisters bedroom behavior. #bertandbernice
30,397 Likes | 1744 days ago | 557
9,209 Likes | 1745 days ago | 103
#Repost @wsl ・・・ The surfers have pledged to #StopTrashingWaves. What's yours? Make the pledge at wslpure.org @wslpure #wslpure
27,330 Likes | 1746 days ago | 270
#repost @michelles_scriptures - This is for all the women out there who I admire.
17,067 Likes | 1746 days ago | 142
I just came home from my morning to find my daughter expressing herself through dance. #bernice. The 🍊doesn’t fall far from the tree.
114,408 Likes | 1747 days ago | 2,087
Many people who haven’t read my book keep asking what the orange signifies. It signifies someone handing you a life raft. Someone taking care of you and thinking of you. When my psychiatrist Dan handed me an orange he had picked from his tree—was when I finally was able to cry. My friend @mindfulskatergirl sent me this pic and it perfectly says what the orange means to me. We should all be putting our arms around each other and handing out oranges to anyone who needs them. A reminder that we are all in this together. I had a problem with the color orange after the election, and I needed to take the orange back. It’s mine again. It’s ours. Its to give to another person when they need it the most. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
2,714 Likes | 1747 days ago | 98
Episode 3 of my podcast is live. Meeting my psychiatrist, Dr. Dan Siegel. Link in bio to listen. 🎧 #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
29,021 Likes | 1748 days ago | 1,318
Chelsea Handler | I finally cooked something I can eat!
16,569 Likes | 1748 days ago | 350
Like a virgin.
43,015 Likes | 1749 days ago | 963
Look, guys, I’m a virgin again. Barrettes and everything! Thanks toots @christinesymondshair and boobs @jamiemakeup and @teamcoco 🍊
12,918 Likes | 1749 days ago | 309
Episode 3 of my podcast comes out this Thursday where I’ll discuss my therapy with my psychiatrist Dan Siegel. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊🧘🏼♂️
43,461 Likes | 1750 days ago | 574
#businesscasual
27,412 Likes | 1750 days ago | 179
Bernice here making the same face I made when I first discovered my Coslopus. Get it girl. #bertandbernice #chowchow
39,545 Likes | 1751 days ago | 289
We went sailing today in the San Francisco Bay and this is a lifestyle I would like to get on board with. A man who can ski and also sail would be awesome. Very little English required. This is my nugget, Seneca who is just bursting into womanhood. #sanfrancisco
21,809 Likes | 1751 days ago | 244
Sarah and I reenacting the time we both went to see Harvard’s Krokodiloes sing acapella and ended up on our knees. 🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme @sarahkatesilverman 📷: @christuitephoto
6,001 Likes | 1752 days ago | 126
Update - @geof_wills, head of Comedy at Live Nation is still a virgin.
25,366 Likes | 1753 days ago | 388
Getting ready for Phoenix show @comericatheatre where I get to get interviewed by my bestie @marycmccormack #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
8,676 Likes | 1753 days ago | 156
Thank you LOS ANGELES and to my special guest @leahremini 🍊🤸🏼♂️#lifewillbethedeathofme 📸 @timothynorris
26,693 Likes | 1754 days ago | 842
Chelsea Handler | More Therapy - Working hours popping off
9,959 Likes | 1755 days ago | 847
New cities announced! Minneapolis, Nashville, New Orleans, St. Louis. Presale has begun for new shows added to my "Life Will Be the Death of Me" tour. Presale code: SITDOWN. Link in bio for tickets. #lifewillbethedeathofme #nashville #stlouis #minneapolis #neworleans
24,322 Likes | 1756 days ago | 199
The aftermath of a frisky 3-day weekend. Obviously Bernice is tired from trying to corner Bert into non-consensual activities. #bertandbernice
57,523 Likes | 1756 days ago | 678
25,764 Likes | 1757 days ago | 259
Fashion has never been my strong suit, but I’ve always loved eating. Here I am raiding a cheese plate after taking an edible.
35,501 Likes | 1758 days ago | 2,434
Chelsea Handler | Badminton or hair net? You decide.
115,334 Likes | 1759 days ago | 2,868
My friend Sarah was kind enough to forward me this picture of Nick Nolte when she saw me on FaceTime. @sarahkatesilverman
12,348 Likes | 1759 days ago | 135
I hope all book clubs that include #LifeWillBetheDeathofMe this summer also include one form of cube(s).
20,293 Likes | 1760 days ago | 203
#fridayvibes #bert
20,499 Likes | 1760 days ago | 231
Bernice has been wearing crop tops daily, which means someone is getting ready for summer boom boom. #chowchow
55,490 Likes | 1761 days ago | 781
I got this message from someone who shall remain anonymous, but is a reminder that we are in charge of our value. No event or person does this. We decide what other people’s words mean, and if they really mean anything at all. They don’t. Get on your own team and show up at your own party. This is the only chance we get. 🍊🍊🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme
4,052 Likes | 1761 days ago | 138
The first episode of my podcast is up. This week, my best friend and my assistant joined me to talk about my life changing experience with therapy. To subscribe and listen, link in bio. #myapologytour #lifewillbethedeathofme
5,129 Likes | 1762 days ago | 172
Joining me on my Life Will Be the Death of Me Tour - Courtenay Hameister in PORTLAND on 6/20, Annabelle Gurwitch in SEATTLE on 6/21, and Lindsey Vonn in SAN DIEGO on 6/22. #LifeWillBetheDeathofMe 🍊
24,514 Likes | 1762 days ago | 353
Bert’s reaction when I told him he was going to be gluten free.
32,870 Likes | 1763 days ago | 1,533
Chelsea Handler | Makeup Tutorials with M-Dawg
44,237 Likes | 1764 days ago | 412
This was the first time I took one of my dad’s used cars to go look for my own apartment. I was 6. And those were extensions.
31,603 Likes | 1765 days ago | 858
Chelsea Handler | When roast beef tacos isn't an option
55,942 Likes | 1765 days ago | 743
#Repost @thedailyshow | Comedian @chelseahandler gets serious about confronting her white privilege. Full interview at youtube.com/thedailyshow
16,661 Likes | 1766 days ago | 186
Thank you, Clearwater and Miami for two nights of good Floridian vibes. And thank you to Glennon Doyle and Lilly Singh for being there with me! Love you both. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊🍊🍊 @glennondoyle @iisuperwomanii 📸 @drives
9,077 Likes | 1767 days ago | 283
I'm talking about my "Life Will Be the Death of Me" Tour and book on my first ever Podcast on @iheartradio New episodes will be released every Thursday starting on May 23 #lifewillbethedeathofme. Subscribe, link in bio 🍊
72,176 Likes | 1768 days ago | 1,523
What You Can Do to Help Women in States With Extreme Abortion Bans - I am linking the actionable things you can do today in my stories. #abortion #alabama
82,706 Likes | 1769 days ago | 1,387
31,230 Likes | 1770 days ago | 1,038
Chelsea Handler | Sprinkle sprinkle little star. #therapy #lifewillbethedeathofme
5,265 Likes | 1771 days ago | 371
Tickets on sale now for ATLANTA, MONTCLAIR, WESTBURY. I recently added 3 new shows to my Life Will Be the Death of Me Sit-Down Comedy Tour. For my additional dates I’m going back to stand-up. 🍊 #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME Tickets link in bio.
20,876 Likes | 1772 days ago | 88
Happy #MothersDay to some of seminal moms in my life. My real Chunk, my sissies, my toots, my yaya, my aunt, and Tammy… Tammy was celibate when I rescued her, but no doubt she mothered over dozens of children in her hay day.
94,034 Likes | 1772 days ago | 1,218
I was Chunks mother, and he was my husband, and in this photo we both had orange hair. 🍊To every single person out there that considers themselves a mother in some way shape or form, today is to you. #happymothersday
30,485 Likes | 1773 days ago | 237
Live birth. #bert
15,601 Likes | 1773 days ago | 311
This VHS explains a lot about sex over 40. Thank you @markeps
114,323 Likes | 1773 days ago | 3,303
#Repost @ashley_judd ・・・ Thank you @conniebritton & @therealdebramessing for posting @gloriasteinem wisdom.
31,990 Likes | 1774 days ago | 382
Chelsea Handler | Chelsea accused of stealing from her cleaning lady.
14,848 Likes | 1774 days ago | 411
#friday
78,577 Likes | 1775 days ago | 3,056
Bert working on his summer bod. #repost @puppies.club Baby Shark #babyshark #bertandbernice
17,536 Likes | 1776 days ago | 270
Does anyone have any idea how incredibly hard it is for me to not mount my dog in this moment? #bert
5,808 Likes | 1776 days ago | 719
ATLANTA, MONTCLAIR, WESTBURY! 🍊 I am adding new dates to my "Life Will Be the Death of Me" sit-down comedy tour. These are the first three dates I am adding, more to come. Tickets for these cities will be on sale Monday, May 13 at 10AM Eastern. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
8,295 Likes | 1777 days ago | 151
I’ll be on @latelateshow tonight with my buddy @j_corden #lifewillbethedeathofme hair by @hairbyaviva makeup by @jamiemakeup @rebeccataylornyc
27,950 Likes | 1777 days ago | 370
In Martha’s Vineyard, after my first edible.
24,590 Likes | 1778 days ago | 1,186
Chelsea Handler | Cooking Challenge - Cinco de Mayo #cincodemayo #cookingchallenge
46,256 Likes | 1778 days ago | 394
This is my best friend from high school, who I wrote about in the book. She said my mother was the first person who told her she loved her. Robyn came to my show this weekend and corrected me. She said my mother was the first one who made her FEEL loved. That’s even better, I thought. 🍊
43,338 Likes | 1779 days ago | 526
Chelsea Handler | Happy Cinco De Mayo from my family to yours #cincodemayo #bertandbernice #chowmix
47,402 Likes | 1780 days ago | 361
This is my niece charley rocking her #idecide T-shirt and backstage last night in nyc. She’s busted into a little woman who wakes up every morning sunny-side up. We don’t know where she came from, or where she gets her sunny disposition, but she’s OURS.
20,818 Likes | 1780 days ago | 218
Thank you NEW YORK! 🍊 And Natasha Lyonne for two shows. #lifewillbethedeathofme @nlyonne 📸 @chandersonphoto
116,840 Likes | 1781 days ago | 2,935
Today would be my mom’s 80th birthday. Here she is at her favorite place, Martha’s Vineyard. She was born in Germany, met her own father when she was 8, (because of the war), then went on a summer trip to New Jersey, where she met my father, and had 6 kids. She was my original Chunk. Happy birthday, Chunky! I feel you all the time, now that I got my 🍊.
23,540 Likes | 1782 days ago | 351
24,204 Likes | 1782 days ago | 482
@todayshow - Loving my Quaker look. #lifewillbethedeathofme in the big 🍊!
24,116 Likes | 1783 days ago | 501
I’ll be on @trevornoah tonight talking #lifewillbethedeathofme and weed. Well, maybe. @djquintero hair makeup @miajonesmua
5,698 Likes | 1783 days ago | 168
“I was strong, and because of that strength, I wasn’t about to sit in a doctor’s office and cry.” #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME also available as an audio book by 🙋🏼♀️Link in bio 🍊🍊🍊
55,628 Likes | 1784 days ago | 1,244
I love weed! #hallofflowers
18,885 Likes | 1785 days ago | 455
LAX Terminal 6 🍊🍊🍊 move it or lose it. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
14,445 Likes | 1785 days ago | 95
Look how awesome my fans are. I can’t wait to play gin rummy in my retirement home with Karl and his wife, Pat. Thank you, Chicago! #lifewillbethedeathofme
21,395 Likes | 1785 days ago | 739
Me after one too many edibles. #repost @dogsofinstagram #edibles
25,006 Likes | 1786 days ago | 892
#LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME 🍊🍊🍊
13,616 Likes | 1786 days ago | 256
This is the reception I get when I come home. #parentingfail #bertandbernice
27,863 Likes | 1787 days ago | 709
Popped into a @target in Kalamazoo, Michigan, and bumped into this godfather who was purchasing my book for his goddaughter, who I got to inscribe it to. Perfect timing. Love to you, Charlie! 🍊 #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
34,487 Likes | 1787 days ago | 349
Thank you CHICAGO - two sold out shows, and thank you Sean Hayes, I forgot how much I loved doing this. 🍊🍊🍊#LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME @seanhayes
27,194 Likes | 1788 days ago | 320
Awesome moment last night with friends and readers and in Madison 🍊🍊🍊 See you tonight CHICAGO! #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME - 📸 @chrislottenphoto
26,091 Likes | 1789 days ago | 794
Chelsea Handler | Therapy Pt 2: More problems
5,301 Likes | 1789 days ago | 199
Joining me on my tour as my special guests - MAMRIE HART and HANNAH HART. - Hannah Hart, May 4 in Denver and Mamrie Hart joining me on May 18 in Durham. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME 🍊 Sit-Down comedy tour. Tickets on sale, link in bio 🤸🏼♀️ @harto @mametown
21,939 Likes | 1790 days ago | 240
I love this mama bear. @mariashriver
23,333 Likes | 1790 days ago | 172
Happy hump day from my travel agent to yours. #bertandbernice
20,824 Likes | 1791 days ago | 442
Chelsea Handler | Therapy Part 1: you can find problems anywhere @suburbanriot @erinfoster @sarafoster
44,969 Likes | 1791 days ago | 1,420
My Cannabis line is coming.
23,206 Likes | 1792 days ago | 420
#LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME 🍊🍊🍊
23,145 Likes | 1792 days ago | 685
This is what happened to my peekachu when I used latisse years after my laser hair removal. It was mayhem. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
7,706 Likes | 1793 days ago | 135
Thank you, Houston! See you next week in Madison, Wisconsin 🍊#LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
24,278 Likes | 1794 days ago | 256
This is how Bernice does Saturday when I’m gone. 🍊🐻#LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME “Bernice is a little more coquettish. When Bernice comes up the stairs to my bedroom, she is quick and agile, and it’s almost like she’s taunting Bert—showing him what it’s like to be quick on your feet. She will come upstairs, but when I reach out my hand to pet her, she’ll run away maniacally, as if I’m holding an ax.”
35,209 Likes | 1794 days ago | 3,923
#Repost @shaunking ・・・ Let me tell you what this 15 year old boy, Lucca, in the red tank top did. He’s a kind, sweet soul. He bent down to pick up the cell phone of another boy who was also wrongly arrested. The phone fell out during his arrest. He didn’t want it to get broken. When he stood up, the officer sprayed his face with pepper spray then proceeded to brutally assault him. These kids were gathered at a local McDonalds after school when police showed up. Lucca broke no laws. Was unarmed. Non-violent. Police then charged HIM with assault on an officer and resisting arrest. Neither, as you can see, are true. These are Broward County Sheriffs Christopher Krickovich & Sgt. Greg LaCerra. Now ask yourself why this unarmed nonviolent Black boy was brutally assaulted and the white men who shot up schools, churches, and movie theaters, slaughtering men, women, and children, were arrested without a single scratch. You know the answer. #justiceforlucca
10,885 Likes | 1794 days ago | 143
Thank you, Austin. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
34,019 Likes | 1795 days ago | 537
Life Will Be the Death of Me T-Shirts and “I Decide” @myintent Bracelets will be sold at each stop of my sit-down comedy tour as well as online! “I DECIDE” An important reminder for all of us to decide if we will be better each day. My portion of proceeds will go directly to True Colors United an organization that helps youth homelessness in the LGBTQ community. You can purchase at any of my shows or online at http://www.chelseahandler.com #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME @truecolorsunited
20,466 Likes | 1795 days ago | 654
Finding out Life Will Be the Death of Me was #1 on a few lists this week. Keepin’ it in the family. 🍊🤸🏼♀️ #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
4,781 Likes | 1795 days ago | 106
Thank you, Dallas!
25,526 Likes | 1795 days ago | 285
#bert after he got into a fight with a margarita.
6,404 Likes | 1796 days ago | 201
New Guests joining me on tour! Glennon Doyle will be interviewing me on May 16 in Clearwater, Florida and Lilly Singh will be interviewing me on May 17 in Miami. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME 🍊Tickets available link in bio. ☝🏼 @glennondoyle @iisuperwomanii
37,277 Likes | 1796 days ago | 1,327
Good morning!!! @benbrunotraining
31,248 Likes | 1797 days ago | 848
Thank you to everyone for throwing such love my way for my new book. I am humbled, and grateful and am feeling all the love. Thank you to my editor Julie Grau who knew I had something deeper in me and for the best writing experience I’ve had yet. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME 🍊@jgrau
28,367 Likes | 1797 days ago | 417
TAMMY 🐻🍊 #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
50,282 Likes | 1798 days ago | 2,077
Chelsea Handler | Bert loves meatballs @goop
6,085 Likes | 1798 days ago | 188
My special guest Hillary Sawchuk will be interviewing me in Detroit on April 27. I will be announcing a new special guest for Los Angeles very soon. Come! Link in bio for tickets 🍊 #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME @hillarysawchuk
40,936 Likes | 1799 days ago | 1,611
Irvine @target #lifewillbethedeathofme🍊
31,574 Likes | 1799 days ago | 508
Home! #bernice
70,956 Likes | 1800 days ago | 1,602
For those of you who are listening to the audio book without the pictures, here is a pic of my brother Chet on our deck on Martha’s Vineyard, the summer before he died. #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
42,536 Likes | 1801 days ago | 6,181
👯♀️ #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME | available now.
12,693 Likes | 1801 days ago | 281
Thank you Philadelphia and the Met. Thank you to all my fans who come with me wherever I go. See everyone else tonight in DC 🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme
67,964 Likes | 1801 days ago | 812
This is how I want Bert to carry me. - #Repost @earthfever
44,637 Likes | 1802 days ago | 1,332
50,953 Likes | 1803 days ago | 2,356
Now that I’m on my book tour, it was important to me this week to have an intervention with Mabel and Brandon over Bert’s relationship status. #lifewillbethedeathofme
9,171 Likes | 1804 days ago | 423
These two babes will be joining me on my sit-down comedy tour! Hillary Sawchuk in DETROIT on April 27 and Melissa McCarthy on May 30 in LOS ANGELES! Come join me… and maybe Bert in LA, link in bio 🍊 #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME @melissamccarthy @hillarysawchuk
19,316 Likes | 1804 days ago | 538
LIFE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME is out now. Link in bio to order. 🍊#lifewillbethedeathofme
32,429 Likes | 1805 days ago | 875
I had to go to therapy with my cleaning lady over her relationship with Bert. Thanks to everyone who also helped dress me for the occasion. @allenschwartz @katehudson @fabletics @emilyandmeritt @thisisthegreat_ @mindfulskatergirl @veronikaborchers @dietch_pr
62,665 Likes | 1805 days ago | 1,988
My book is out today. I realize I’ve been treating this book as a movie release and that’s because it is my baby. Please let me know what you think, and thank you for all of your support! #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME hair by @benskervin @miajonesmua makeup!
74,437 Likes | 1806 days ago | 1,925
Life Will Be the Death of Me - out tomorrow! @theellenshow #lifewillbethedeathofme
21,109 Likes | 1807 days ago | 347
Made a new documentary with this woman and it’s all about privilege. Mine. Coming this Sept. #netflix @stapletonkas
15,297 Likes | 1807 days ago | 260
Real talk 🥖 #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME my new book is out this week! Pre-order now, link in bio.
11,311 Likes | 1807 days ago | 318
#sundaymeditation @benbrunotraining
5,628 Likes | 1808 days ago | 184
Life Will Be the Death of Me 🍊 Out APRIL 9! #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
12,494 Likes | 1809 days ago | 241
If you haven’t already guessed the theme of my new book “Life Will Be the Death of Me” 🍊 – 4 Days Away! - [When I got to his office and sat down, Dan handed me an orange. ... “I felt like you might want an orange today. I picked it from my tree.” ... This was the moment I became undone. ... In that moment, I fell apart at the proverbial seams. Shoulders down, head bowed. I sat and cried and shook and let my shoulders feel sorry for themselves and my heart ached and I moaned, loudly—like a wounded wolf. One with an injury that had scabbed over many times but had never properly healed. I had a deep infection.] #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
36,454 Likes | 1809 days ago | 426
Now, she just pretends she’s sleeping when I come near her. She goes to her safe place. Bernice
25,309 Likes | 1809 days ago | 252
#bernice is slowly becoming my favorite because, well a)Bert hates me, and b)any dog who ties a t-shirt at her waist is going to be my fave.
6,536 Likes | 1810 days ago | 221
New guests announced on my sit-down comedy tour. Joining me in Madison on 4.25 @meganstielstra and then my Yaya @marycmccormack in Phoenix on 5.31! Link in bio for tickets. Also where should Mary and I be going in the AZ? 🌵#lifewillbethedeathofme
32,097 Likes | 1810 days ago | 784
@benbrunotraining getting my thighs ready for my book tour. #lifewillbethedeathofme
28,825 Likes | 1811 days ago | 692
Chelsea Handler | I pride myself on my south of the border cooking
37,988 Likes | 1812 days ago | 745
This is just a gentle reminder that anyone who doesn’t have a dog is a lunatic. #bernice
11,066 Likes | 1812 days ago | 743
SEATTLE Sold out and 97 Tickets left for my CHICAGO Late Show! I’m coming to a city near you starting next week on my sit-down comedy tour LIFE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. Link in bio for tickets. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
28,542 Likes | 1812 days ago | 375
These are the looks I get when I say, “I love you, Bert.” #bert
17,876 Likes | 1813 days ago | 295
“I was forty-two when I finally saw a real psychiatrist. I had seen doctors and therapists before, but never really with the intention of fixing anything that ran deep. I didn’t have the mental equipment to articulate my pain and let someone see me for anything other than what I had become—strong. I was strong, and because of that strength, I wasn’t about to sit in a doctor’s office and cry. Crying for other people was fine. Crying for myself about myself was out of the question. Vulnerability in my mind was akin to carbohydrates: I wasn’t willing to go there unless it was alcohol-induced.” – LIFE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. Out in one week, Tuesday, April 9! Pre-order today, link in bio. #lifewillbethedeathofme
16,244 Likes | 1813 days ago | 190
Thank you to my favorite ski buddy of all time. KARL!!! I met a lot of new people skiing this year, but this one takes the cake. He turned 98 1/2 this year, and he is responsible for taking my skiing to the next level. Love you, Karl! #elderabuse #catskiing
21,004 Likes | 1814 days ago | 430
The last time I was this excited was when I adopted Bert and Bernice. Life will be the death of me, out April 9. Pre-order now. #lifewillbethedeathofme
40,560 Likes | 1815 days ago | 596
Today was my last day of skiing probably for the season, so I grabbed my boyfriend/father Karl and some friends @markeps @lolamitchcrist and we went cat-skiing with @pccats, and even though I was in over my head, it was awesome. I always wanted to be a great skier, and now at least I have some photos that make it look like I know what I’m doing. #whoopsiedoodleshitskymix photo credit: @markeps I’ve made so made so many new friends skiing this year. #wherehaveyoubeenallmylife
15,700 Likes | 1816 days ago | 309
Look at this shit! #assbackwards. #snowbird #karl
28,823 Likes | 1817 days ago | 647
Chelsea Handler | When you use only one nudestix for your whole face @nudestix @charlizeafrica
4,871 Likes | 1817 days ago | 139
ANNOUNCING NEW GUESTS! Joining me on my Life Will Be the Death of Me Sit-Down Comedy Tour starting in two weeks, Sarah Hepola on April 20 in HOUSTON and Sarah Silverman on June 1 in SAN FRANCISCO. My book will be available everywhere on April 9. Link in bio for tickets.🌲 #lifewillbethedeathofme @sarahkatesilverman @thesarahhepolaexperience
24,360 Likes | 1818 days ago | 283
Me and the breadwinner of the family. #bert #moodyfuck
48,764 Likes | 1819 days ago | 784
This is my daughter, Bernice. Photo credit: @jackjunk
14,474 Likes | 1819 days ago | 330
How I feel about the Mueller report - #MUELLERTIME @gorillalibrary
8,314 Likes | 1820 days ago | 157
LIFE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME ✊🏼 out April 9 @trevornoah
35,705 Likes | 1821 days ago | 360
Bert!! This is Finnigan. He kissed me on the mouth the minute we met. Wake up!
26,811 Likes | 1821 days ago | 565
This is how I have to ski now. #mammoth
28,161 Likes | 1822 days ago | 630
Chelsea Handler | Bert’s fat ass loves my protein shakes
137,961 Likes | 1823 days ago | 1,711
@mindfulskatergirl @sharonsalzberg @yurulifestyle @orangeribbonsforjaime @samantha_novick 100% of the proceeds are going to pay for “Healing through Meditation” retreats for Parkland and other mass shooting survivors and victims’ families in MA starting this summer at @insightmeditationsociety. Shirts can be purchased at seeyouonthesand.com under the shop.link
11,599 Likes | 1824 days ago | 3,493
#Repost @shaunking ・・・ God help me. I was just sent this video of a Neo-Nazi in Dallas, Texas brutally beating a Black woman. My blood is boiling. Just spoke to @leemerrittesq and I swear both of us are fighting back tears in anger over what we just saw. Dear Austin Shuffield of Dallas, Texas. You are a woman beating bigot. We saw what you did and will make sure you are held fully accountable for it. He was just arrested but was severely undercharged. Not only did he follow her into this parking lot, he pulled a gun on her, called her racial slurs, and knocked her phone out of her hands when she attempted to call 911. We are demanding proper charges from the newly elected DA of Dallas.
6,513 Likes | 1824 days ago | 282
PHILLY, DC, AUSTIN, DALLAS guests announced! My sit-down comedy tour starts April 11. New guests Meghan Daum in Philly on April 12, Jake Tapper in D.C. on April 13 and Connie Britton in Dallas and Austin on April 18/19. #lifewillbethedeathofme tickets to shows link in bio! @jaketapper @conniebritton
19,846 Likes | 1825 days ago | 366
#Repost @benbrunotraining ・・・ Here @chelseahandler does a Bulgarian split squat iso hold for 30 seconds. We do these because they are very hard, so she can’t talk as much. The first two sets we did 20 seconds, and I suggested we try 30 seconds on the third set but she insisted we stick to 20 seconds. I said yes, then just lied and had her do 30 seconds anyway. This is a good lesson in how to communicate with tricky clients. The extra 10 seconds was punishment for her vandalizing my board (swipe left).
33,640 Likes | 1826 days ago | 1,171
How I Prepare my “Garden Rockets” for Lunch
22,843 Likes | 1826 days ago | 196
Me and my baby #Bert.
8,217 Likes | 1827 days ago | 95
Thank you to my yaya @marycmccormack for challenging me in joining @stellamccartney and @canopyplanet on the campaign “There She Grows”. If you dedicate a tree to someone you love, Stella’s foundation will make a donation in your loved ones name. All of the proceeds go towards saving the Leusuer ecosystem in Indonesia. I am also now challenging my friend @ritaora to join us. #thereshegrows
11,374 Likes | 1827 days ago | 61
Happy national siblings day, for whenever that was. Today my sissy and I got real with these two talking sibling shit. All of it!
21,727 Likes | 1828 days ago | 200
Seriously.
22,496 Likes | 1828 days ago | 156
Sundays are for families and since I didn’t make my own, I take @marycmccormack little nuggets and torture them.
21,827 Likes | 1828 days ago | 146
#teenagers #singleparenting
9,614 Likes | 1829 days ago | 67
Thank you, @sunvalleyfilmfest. Please invite me every year. Photo by @lolamitchcrist
30,230 Likes | 1830 days ago | 284
Today is my oldest sissy’s bday, and I am reminded today of all the times you wrapped your arms around me. My favorite thing about sisters is the look. The look that says ‘come get me, leave me alone, or please get into bed and spoon me. I love you, mony baloney. You are my hero, sister sledge!
5,581 Likes | 1830 days ago | 99
🏆 #LifeWillBeTheDeathofMe out April 9! @tiffanyhaddish
20,526 Likes | 1830 days ago | 291
Loving this spring skiing in #sunvalley.
7,848 Likes | 1831 days ago | 124
Health care is a human right. Reproductive health care is a human right. I stand against the latest attack on reproductive health care because people deserve to hear ALL their options. I stand with Planned Parenthood to #ProtectX: http://bit.ly/titlex-4
23,909 Likes | 1831 days ago | 241
There are days when I am able to trap Bert into a position that makes feel like I’m on safari and holding a lion. This is one of those days. #bert
11,811 Likes | 1833 days ago | 462
Announcing special guests on my sit-down comedy tour starting with Frankie Shaw on April 11 in Boston, Sean Hayes on April 26 in Chicago and Natasha Lyonne on May 3 in New York City. #lifewillbethedeathofme tickets to shows link in bio! @nlyonne @seanhayes @frankieshawisag
12,609 Likes | 1834 days ago | 290
Chelsea doesn’t call me “Sassy Bitch” for no reason. #bertandbernice
15,755 Likes | 1835 days ago | 108
Sundays are like whatyoutalkinaboutwillis?#bertandbernice
19,940 Likes | 1836 days ago | 374
As we know my workouts with Ben Bruno are not the secret to dieting, what I eat for breakfast is.
15,546 Likes | 1836 days ago | 141
Ran into some @comiclonilove @natashaleggero last night with @marycmccormack why I’m holding Natasha in a headlock is a question for another time.
32,418 Likes | 1837 days ago | 280
For International Women’s Day - To every person who identifies as a woman out there – here’s to you. #internationalwomensday
5,446 Likes | 1837 days ago | 58
We won’t end extreme poverty without gender equality. These activists know that. And this #IWD2019, they've teamed up with @ONE to make sure world leaders know it, too. Let's make sure our leaders hear them LOUD. AND. CLEAR. Go to @ONE’s profile to sign their letter for gender equality.
29,635 Likes | 1838 days ago | 434
This is the face i return home to. Not even welcome in my own home. #bertshouse #pissed
26,473 Likes | 1838 days ago | 562
My new book is available for pre-order! Life Will Be the Death of Me will be out April 9. Pre-order now and get the first chapter in advance. http://bit.ly/CHPreOrder | #lifewillbethedeathofme
45,123 Likes | 1839 days ago | 1,076
Chelsea Handler - Bert has low self-esteem #bertandbernice
6,704 Likes | 1840 days ago | 171
A little over one month out. Life Will be the Death of Me — my newest book is out April 9 #lifewillbethedeathofme
49,837 Likes | 1841 days ago | 2,169
My twist on my nutritionists fab 4 smoothie. Leftover birthday cake, protein, collagen and water.
26,370 Likes | 1841 days ago | 229
Bernice’s face when I ask her if she wants me to cook her breakfast. #bertandbernice
9,583 Likes | 1842 days ago | 118
Today I looked at the snow report for Park City, and found myself pining for Karl. I miss you karl, and I hope all the snow smacks you right in the face! ❤️#parkcity #karlpoplawski
9,963 Likes | 1842 days ago | 189
☀️ #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME | My new book out April 9. Sit down comedy tour link in bio.
25,006 Likes | 1842 days ago | 239
Bernice wanted to get into modeling. Photo credit: @jackjunk
50,109 Likes | 1843 days ago | 507
Every time you say his name his head cocks to the side. I’ve never had a dog that tilts his head like this each time you say #bert. Probably, because none of my other dogs were named Bert. I fucking love this look.
28,134 Likes | 1843 days ago | 845
#Repost @gorilla_lovers ・・・ - Ten years after the last birth, the Saint-Martin-la-Plaine Zoo near Lyon, France, is welcoming a new baby gorilla. It's a rare event says the zoo's director, Pierre Thivillion. 📸 from @voanews - #gorilla #junglelife #gorillaconservation #savegorillas #zoology #poaching #savinggorillas
35,713 Likes | 1844 days ago | 785
15,918 Likes | 1845 days ago | 137
Lemus afternoon-Bert, once I’ve gotten his body loosened up. #bertandbernice
35,150 Likes | 1845 days ago | 298
Bert and I back in the kitchen doing what we do best - cooking in my new pajama pantsuit from @gwynethpaltrow @goop #bertandbernice
39,314 Likes | 1846 days ago | 1,923
I went skiing for a week and got ski face and then @harrymakesitup came over and fixed it with @nudestix. I feel like it’s more of a windburn leathery feel than a sunburn, but if anyone has any advice on how to get rid of it, I’d like to know. I’m starting press for my new book coming out on April 9th, and id rather not have a mustache. I’m open to growing a beard but the hair on my face is blonde, so that won’t work either. Hair by @christinesymondshair
53,479 Likes | 1847 days ago | 460
I walked in to get my hair colored and look what all my buds @dphue had waiting for me. Thank you, @justinanderson.
47,687 Likes | 1847 days ago | 769
#bertandbernice
124,896 Likes | 1848 days ago | 4,055
Today I am 44. I don’t know how this happened, but I am choosing to be grateful instead of lamenting about my age (which I will do with @marycmccormack, privately.) I am grateful for the opportunities life has provided me. I am strong, and i am resilient, and i realize at this age, it is my responsibility to use that strength and courage for other people, and not just for myself. To shine a light, be patient, and learn how to apologize. It took me extra time to grow up, but I’d rather be late to the party than to never show up at all. Showing up is everything. Show up. 🤸♀️🤸♀️🤸♀️🤸♂️🤸♂️🤸♂️
30,630 Likes | 1848 days ago | 401
My big fat husband. #bertandernice
24,260 Likes | 1849 days ago | 281
I fucking love old guys and I love Park City. Keep in mind Karl here has a wife, since some of these pictures we look like an actual couple. Thank you to everyone who made this ski trip so great, but especially, thank you to Karl Poplawski, who also turned 95 today. Ive skied with some great guides this year, but no one who yelled at me as much as Karl. Now I’m headed home to re-introduce myself to Bert. #karl #parkcity
10,662 Likes | 1849 days ago | 128
#lifewillbethedeathofme @theellenshow coming out April 9th.
50,988 Likes | 1850 days ago | 1,480
BERT! Come to Park City! ⛷#bertandbernice #repost @sidelineswap.ski
21,151 Likes | 1850 days ago | 571
7,882 Likes | 1851 days ago | 1,188
New Shows in PORTLAND, SEATTLE and SAN DIEGO on sale now. Additional late shows added in CHICAGO and NEW YORK. #Lifewillbethedeathofme - Link in Bio – see you at my sit down tour!
12,188 Likes | 1852 days ago | 1,527
The Friday, NY and CHICAGO shows are sold out but we are adding a 2nd to both cities as well as new shows in SEATTLE, PORTLAND and SAN DIEGO which will be on-sale TOMORROW. - NY Tickets on Sale at 10AM Eastern + Chicago, Portland, Seattle, San Diego on-sale tomorrow at 10am Pacific / 12pm Central #Lifewillbethedeathofme
12,172 Likes | 1853 days ago | 246
Not the only great thing about being an alcoholic, but in the top 3. #repost from one of your favorite lines from my book. Giving away one signed copy addressed to you of my new book “Life Will Be the Death of Me”, just post your favorite line from any of my books to enter. Open until April 9. #lifewillbethedeathofme
50,355 Likes | 1854 days ago | 733
My ski guide in park city is the absolute best. He’s 90, and skis like he’s 60, and also tells me to shut the fuck up when I tell him to shut the fuck up. My new favorite mountain. #elderabuse
15,333 Likes | 1855 days ago | 261
#parkcity #jerryoftheday
26,583 Likes | 1857 days ago | 477
#Lifewillbethedeathofme - You can see how proud these guys are of their mom. #proudpups - Bert will be giving away one copy of my new book, signed. Post a photo on your feed for me to share of your favorite line from any of my last books. Open worldwide, I will announce the winner here on April 9.
11,422 Likes | 1858 days ago | 191
Thank you to my buddy for taking the time to do this. Xx #lifewillbethedeathofme @amyschumer #amyschumer
21,152 Likes | 1858 days ago | 177
#fbf Today is a shout out to my sissies. The one in the middle is not stoned. The one one the left is. The one on the right became a lawyer. Sissies forever. #sissies #stoned
6,454 Likes | 1859 days ago | 157
I don’t know why I can’t get a real trainer when I live in LA. - #trainer #booktour #lifewillbethedeathofme
20,563 Likes | 1859 days ago | 226
Valentine’s Day is about asking the tough questions. Who wants an edible and who wants to go to the park? #bertandbernice
30,121 Likes | 1859 days ago | 289
Happy Valentine’s Day to the man whose arms I slept in last night. #bert
8,289 Likes | 1860 days ago | 284
This is me talking about my hatred for recording audio books. Skiing is how I like to prepare for book tours, and I’m coming on tour! To a city near you - “Life Will Be the Death of Me” - #lifewillbethedeathofme
33,657 Likes | 1861 days ago | 1,215
For the record, I was not peeing in the bushes. I was adjusting a knee brace. I want to thank all of the people who have made it possible for me to live such a silly life. Videography by credit: @tedhandler @doublediamondskishop
70,522 Likes | 1861 days ago | 5,836
This woman must be exhausted. #Repost @laurabrown99 ・・・ I’ve never wanted to be anything so much in my life. (From CJ Fogler on Twitter).
16,912 Likes | 1863 days ago | 562
Thanks to everyone who helped me write a new book. Feeling very appreciative. Life Will Be the Death of Me - out April 9 with my sit down comedy book tour beginning April 11. Select tickets and VIP meet and greets on sale now.
21,559 Likes | 1864 days ago | 413
Here at the @canndescent Stylus launch event in Hollywood. This vape pen is a game changer. @civilized.life
59,828 Likes | 1865 days ago | 787
Today is @marycmccormack birthday! I met her interviewing her on my show and the next night, we sat next to each other at an event celebrating women. She asked me if I smoked and I did, so we went outside and when I handed her a cigarette, she told me she quit years ago but loved the smell—and asked me to just blow the cigarette smoke directly into her face. We’ve been together ever since. And you can watch her on ABC every Tuesday night playing Peggy on #thekidsarealright Happy Birthday, yaya!! I don’t smoke anymore, so save it.
14,311 Likes | 1866 days ago | 571
One of the more serious parts from my upcoming book “Life Will Be the Death of Me” #lifewillbethedeathofme
22,823 Likes | 1867 days ago | 241
This is the look that tells me this is my last warning. #bertandbernice #singlemom
79,191 Likes | 1868 days ago | 3,552
This is the cover of my new book, Life Will be The Death of Me, coming out April 9. I will be coming to a city near you to talk about how I had to lose my mind to find it again. Get tickets at the link in my bio before the general public by using the pre-sale password SITDOWN beginning at 2pm local time today. Every ticket includes a copy of the book.
7,315 Likes | 1870 days ago | 134
@thebiggestlittlefarm - An inspiring film In Theaters April
22,851 Likes | 1871 days ago | 340
If you’re sitting by a fire, or in bed, or on a plane or a train, or want to read something that will help you with your life, this is a great book about doing less better. #lessismore #gregmckeown #bookstoread I have never met the author, for assholes.
21,169 Likes | 1871 days ago | 210
Rainy day Saturday’s are for lazy fat fucks like Bert. #mommasboy #bertandbernice
26,889 Likes | 1871 days ago | 753
If I knew this was what labor was like, I’d have babies all the time. #Repost @exceptionalmoms ・・・ 48 Hours After This, We Get To Meet Our Lil Man The Most Greatest But Scaring Time In My Life Gosh........ You Both Rock ❤ . . Kindly Tune In To Today's Episode Of Exceptional Moms On AIT Network Nationwide @1pm 👌 . . #momlife #motherhood #mom #newmom #happy #happymood #excited #joyful #joyofmotherhood #blessed #kfu #exceptionalmomstvseries #children #parenting #family #familyvalues #tvseries #exceptionalmoms #shapethefuture 💞
9,389 Likes | 1873 days ago | 141
Repost from @leticia_d_garcia_ using - My favorite @chelseahandler quote from one of my favorite books. #liesthatchelseahandlertoldme #chelseahandler
8,400 Likes | 1874 days ago | 197
Playing a bitch isn’t that hard especially when you’ve had so much practice playing one in real life. Tune into my (probably) Emmy-winning performance as Donna Zimmer on @NBCWillandGrace tomorrow at 9:30/8:30c.
16,852 Likes | 1874 days ago | 295
I asked you to pick one line from any of my 5 books that summarizes something in you. Whether it inspired you, made you laugh, cry, fart - whatever. Bert is looking to be inspired before my next book. Tag me in your posts! Repost from @djschacter - Words to live by from Chelsea Handler #ugandabekiddingme #travel #chelseahandler
91,041 Likes | 1875 days ago | 1,558
There’s a lot of things from my old office that don’t spark joy. Including that wig I’m wearing.
26,578 Likes | 1875 days ago | 596
#sade #bernice
18,684 Likes | 1875 days ago | 169
Me and my man. #bert
18,481 Likes | 1876 days ago | 185
Monday haircut for #bert. This is when he hides under table. By Friday, his confidence returns only to be groomed again on Monday. Please don’t tell me I groom my dogs too much. I have no idea who set up this schedule, either. #bertandbernice
26,666 Likes | 1877 days ago | 286
Bernice looking like she just came home from #coachella #bertandbernice
30,475 Likes | 1878 days ago | 232
Bert drooling out of his eyes when I hold a piece of turkey in front of him. #bert btw/ Bert lost 7 pounds and I gained 5. #bertandbernice
6,257 Likes | 1879 days ago | 146
Trying to prepare for book signing season, unfortunately my trainer @benbrunotraining doesn’t have any ideas on how to do that. #chelseaandben
100,448 Likes | 1879 days ago | 3,370
The look on my face every time there’s a new indictment. I want our country back.
24,067 Likes | 1880 days ago | 194
Who knew this little girl would grow up and move from Germany to America, get married to a guy from California, give birth to 9 children, and be the coolest aunt anyone could ever have? She let me sleep on her sofa when I was young and broke, told me I would never make it in Hollywood until I lost weight, (while only feeding me pasta and vodka) but still remains my and everyone else’s favorite aunt. Happy birthday, tante!! You are my favorite bitch, and I love you. Every little girl has a story. Im grateful to be part of yours. 🥓
103,108 Likes | 1880 days ago | 4,952
If you’re able bodied - there’s really no reason to not get off your ass. #Repost @mrjames_cpt ・・・ THURSDAY MOTIVATION!!! I showed Lauren these mayweathers for the first time today..😭..She’s a natural! Let me see that birth certificate! There is no way you are 72! #firsttime #mayweathers #fitover70 #mobility #flexibility #functionalmovement #functionaltraining #changinglives #aspiretoinspire #thursdaymotivation #progress #transformationthursday #seniorfitness #personaldevelopment #gohardorgohome #bodybuilding #agingevolution #fitwomen #igfitness #inspiration
28,389 Likes | 1881 days ago | 2,650
For all women who have trouble taking shadoobies. This is not a partnership or paid endorsement. This has helped so many of my friends and myself become regular. I take 4 a night. And when it kicks in and you become regular, cut it down to 3. It is a game changer for your butt.
37,264 Likes | 1881 days ago | 428
My two Asshole babies. #bertandbernice
16,333 Likes | 1885 days ago | 216
This is one of my nuggets who just skied straight into a bush and stayed there until I acted like a lunatic madwoman and was able to get her. I HAVE A MATERNAL INSTINCT!!!! #sundaysbest #snowclub #not really.
20,993 Likes | 1886 days ago | 217
I wiped out big today, and it was awesome! #ski
23,125 Likes | 1886 days ago | 226
Bert has started to pretend he’s sleeping when I come near him. #bert #singleparent
57,258 Likes | 1887 days ago | 2,265
The world is a mess, so here’s something to cheer you up. #Repost @aliwong ・・・ My tribute to @katelyn_ohashi #GoBruins
141,101 Likes | 1889 days ago | 2,251
Weed. It makes everything and everyone a little bit easier. —Tolstoy
140,151 Likes | 1890 days ago | 1,998
I don’t remember being a brunette, but i was in a blackout most of 2007.
30,673 Likes | 1891 days ago | 217
#sundaysbest
59,782 Likes | 1892 days ago | 967
For anyone who wants to believe in goodness. #Repost @washingtonpost ・・・ With Lin-Manuel Miranda once again as its star, the celebrated Broadway hit “Hamilton” opened for business in Puerto Rico this weekend — that business being the bolstering of the hopes and finances of a beleaguered U.S. territory mired in debt and still reeling from the devastation wreaked 16 months ago by Hurricane Maria. The first performance on Friday night of the Tony-winning musical at the Centro des Bellas Artes in the heart of the island’s capital city betokened one of the most extraordinary events in the history of the nation’s performing arts. Here was a show arriving not merely to entertain, but also to serve a humanitarian mission: raising money for the relief effort. But the quest was also to draw the world’s attention to an American outpost that has long felt neglected by the country that owns it, and especially so in the aftermath of a disaster that traumatized the island. At the curtain call, Miranda brought down the house, with a teary speech that ended with him pulling a large Puerto Rican flag from under his costume and holding it aloft. (Photos by Dennis M. Rivera Pichardo/For The Washington Post)
42,767 Likes | 1894 days ago | 331
This is the result of being a killer parent. #bertandbernice
17,724 Likes | 1894 days ago | 499
#Repost @benbrunotraining with @get_repost ・・・ I found a new way to drown out @chelseahandler voice. I told her the bag works her abs. This might be helpful for trainers with tricky clients. #wholefoods
126,561 Likes | 1894 days ago | 1,866
I don’t normally love cats, but I like what’s going on here.
48,689 Likes | 1895 days ago | 386
Baby is so sleepy. #bernice
54,672 Likes | 1896 days ago | 531
Bert, after our feeding.
49,722 Likes | 1896 days ago | 439
All my dogs eventually have this look on their face. It’s the look of privilege and entitlement. #bert
61,876 Likes | 1900 days ago | 630
#FBF to my very first book tour in London. It’s nice to know a lot has changed and nothing has changed. #myhorizontallife
72,806 Likes | 1902 days ago | 849
Dog the Bounty Hunter is actually my father, so this is no surprise.
41,041 Likes | 1903 days ago | 523
This is me looking into the new year, with optimism and focus and a stronger sense of who I am. I also learned to lean in hard to the people you love and to the people who love you. I spent last year unearthing everything about who I really want to be and what I want to contribute to this world, and I shot a documentary and wrote a book that were both cathartic and unlike anything I’ve ever done before. I can’t wait to share it with everyone this year. Sending everyone and their families lots of love. Don’t forget to love hard and strong. Dream big, go hard, and drink lots of water. Photo by @jprensena
46,943 Likes | 1904 days ago | 509
52,201 Likes | 1904 days ago | 475
My #TopNine of 2018 is telling me everyone liked me better with huge hair. Thank you for all these suggestions!
17,821 Likes | 1904 days ago | 155
My #TopNine of 2018. I discovered shower caps and different hats to wear so I didn’t have to brush my hair. Someone sent me this, and while it’s not as funny, it’s more truthful and I think that person deserves our support. Also, I only slept with 3 of the people In these photos with me. #happynewyear
112,465 Likes | 1905 days ago | 917
My #TopNine of 2018 looks like I found out I was pregnant and gave birth to Bert. Sorry @amyschumer you weren’t the only one who got pregnant. #nofilter
55,854 Likes | 1906 days ago | 434
Everyone has their own style of parenting. Mine is an assault. #bernice
49,277 Likes | 1906 days ago | 475
When Bert smells Del Taco, and wants me to fess up. #bert
7,757 Likes | 1907 days ago | 66
This story is so powerful. Thank you @jaytatum0 and your mom for sharing your incredible story with the world. For more, head over to @playerstribune and watch @jackryanamazon on @amazonprimevideo now. #jackryan
37,939 Likes | 1909 days ago | 404
Me and my sissies and my family. Happy Christmas memories and children everywhere. #whistlerblackcomb
51,210 Likes | 1910 days ago | 840
Merry Christmas, everybody. We have a brand new year only days away and I for one and am ready to get it started on the right foot and in the right mood: Grateful. Sending love to you and your families, and here’s to finding your happiness, even when it’s dark out. ❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️ photo credit by @jprensena
16,598 Likes | 1911 days ago | 160
It’s important to remain focused. On taking selfies.
16,332 Likes | 1913 days ago | 221
I love the snow and the ski and the cold and @katefeeners @monikablundermakeup
47,794 Likes | 1914 days ago | 512
Me, flirting with myself.
29,469 Likes | 1916 days ago | 299
It’s the season. From my family to yours.
15,824 Likes | 1917 days ago | 185
From yesterday with my girlies. And because I look like a lady.
12,068 Likes | 1918 days ago | 336
Book cover shoot day. Thank you for your title suggestions, everyone. Some became chapter titles and I got my winner too. @harrymakesitup @christinesymondshair
36,230 Likes | 1919 days ago | 349
I hope one day I love a man as much as I love Bert. And if that happens, he’s also welcome to piss on my artificial grass.
40,892 Likes | 1920 days ago | 689
#Repost @berniesanders ・・・ “You say you love your children above all else and yet you are stealing their futures before their very eyes.” - This 15-year-old climate activist @gretathunberg just called out world leaders for their global inaction on climate change.
Me and @marycmccormack at #fleetwoodmac nice reminder of how awesome and joyful going to concerts is. Thanks @shellibird1 the little nugget who invited all of us.
56,855 Likes | 1923 days ago | 799
When I come home to this, it makes me want to eat my own dog.
33,643 Likes | 1923 days ago | 889
#Repost @benbrunotraining ・・・ Taking a short break from workout stuff to try to help @chelseahandler find love. It’s a tough sell, but I did my best. Let me (or her) know if you’re interested.
24,443 Likes | 1924 days ago | 1,196
#Repost @exceptionalmoms with @download_repost ・・・ "My son has been bullied at school and kids have been teasing him about his Darkskin. Me and my husband always say Son your handsome and those kids are mad their not you. Today I found the perfect song to tell my son how much i love him! 😢💔 I love you Isaiah your handsome and chocolate. The lady’s love chocolate men too. Ain’t that right ladies?" - @mrslatruth #mom #motherhood #mother #love #mothers #mothercare #motherandson #motherslove #momlife #family #mom #motherlove #ExceptionalMoms
39,615 Likes | 1925 days ago | 427
This is a picture from Bert’s live birth. My peekachu will never be the same. Mama’s boy.
26,726 Likes | 1925 days ago | 332
Monday vibrations. #bert I love this fatty so much.
It’s important to rock whatever look you think you’re rocking and to do it confidently. #TBF #jerseyclub
24,328 Likes | 1929 days ago | 247
Morning bitchface. #bernice
22,090 Likes | 1930 days ago | 506
Facial fresh! Even though my neck got caught in my zipper. #wednesdaywisdom
12,837 Likes | 1931 days ago | 68
Today is dedicated to my uncle/aunt terry and kicking ass today, girl! Go get ‘Em tiger. #favoriteauntie #marthasvineyard #mydogbrokemyarm
11,458 Likes | 1932 days ago | 313
This came from one of my agents. Thank you, @mdevins pls let them know this conflicts with a bar-mitzvah I’m scheduled to perform at.
29,214 Likes | 1932 days ago | 297
I spend so much time objectifying Bert from behind, I wanted to show him some Monday respect. His head is so big, too.
19,376 Likes | 1934 days ago | 928
I apologize for my language. My trainer @benbrunotraining brings out the very worst in me.
45,104 Likes | 1935 days ago | 2,031
This is what Fridays feel like. #Repost @natures ・・・ ood morning...🐻 Follow @roam for more!⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ Tag someone that should see this!👇 🎥 by @svetlan_nko69 #natures #nature
44,584 Likes | 1936 days ago | 712
My baby is a Kardashian. #bert
25,599 Likes | 1937 days ago | 257
Bert shower.
32,755 Likes | 1937 days ago | 1,039
I just found out about shower caps, and it’s a real game changer. #showerthoughts
31,541 Likes | 1938 days ago | 334
Real unconditional love is loving something that gives you nothing in return. It’s something new I’m trying and I’m into it. Photo credit @harrymakesitup
30,952 Likes | 1940 days ago | 249
The important thing to remember with dogs is to give them their own space. #bert
27,848 Likes | 1941 days ago | 265
Three days in the woods and Bert is like fuck you, butch. That’s what he calls me. Butch.
23,381 Likes | 1942 days ago | 215
Camping with these two #bertandbernice
36,564 Likes | 1942 days ago | 483
I gave Bert and edible
39,552 Likes | 1943 days ago | 390
My family made me go camping this Thanksgiving. They keep trying to put me in my place. I don’t know why Bert and Bernice have to suffer.
5,031 Likes | 1944 days ago | 126
Westside Thanksgiving is short on hot turkeys to feed the homeless. Please donate a piping hot turkey tomorrow morning between 6am- noon. Drop off at 1645 Corinth Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90025 Link in bio. www.westsidethanksgiving.org/info.html
61,922 Likes | 1944 days ago | 669
I tried to find a picture of a turkey and this was the closest thing I could find. Happy thanksgiving to all!
21,412 Likes | 1945 days ago | 152
Wanna go for a ride? #bertandbernice
29,201 Likes | 1946 days ago | 285
Bernice is now my favorite. Her aloofness was her way of hiding her neediness. Fuck Bert.
23,134 Likes | 1947 days ago | 170
To my little nugget Charley, you are sweet and open-minded, patient and kind, and you love all things family. We have no idea where you came from, but you made us all step up our game. Happy 14th. #wimbledon #nuggets I love you, babe.
24,289 Likes | 1948 days ago | 140
Coming home to this bulldozer is a whole family built into 70 lbs and losing!
11,962 Likes | 1949 days ago | 583
Ready for my speech. #netflix #whiteprivilege
283,319 Likes | 1950 days ago | 5,489
#Repost @mercurial_era ・・・ This really makes me tearful! I so miss his beautiful heart and class! ♥️ Thank you @barackobama for setting an example of what a real president does!
30,891 Likes | 1950 days ago | 380
First snowfall! Get your skis ready! #newark
10,845 Likes | 1950 days ago | 116
In my home state of #newjersey where I learned the role that hair will have in your life. @mikhayelacurry #netflix
17,459 Likes | 1951 days ago | 130
This is what I’m talking about. #lifecoach #bernice
19,408 Likes | 1951 days ago | 248
Checking to see if I have anything in my nose. I work best when I know a view is above me
18,758 Likes | 1951 days ago | 131
The pictures my cleaning lady sends of how happy Bert is when im away. #ass implants And yes, victims of the fire are staying at my house.
11,994 Likes | 1951 days ago | 172
When I feel most petite. #philadelphiaeagles #netflix #malcolmjenkins #michaelbennett #hashtags
2,678 Likes | 1952 days ago | 60
Tune in to see @marycmccormack on @thekidsarealrightabc at 8:30|7:30c on @abcnetwork and catch her IG takeover now on @thekidsarealrightabc! #TheKidsAreAlright
34,296 Likes | 1952 days ago | 524
How am I supposed to interpret this look? I mean, fuck this dog. #bert
41,807 Likes | 1953 days ago | 410
This is called a pear shape.
9,249 Likes | 1954 days ago | 319
#Repost @driverminnie ・・・ If anyone can help. Please , please help. #woolseyfire #malibu
48,285 Likes | 1955 days ago | 2,122
#Repost @natures ・・・ Meet Jimbo the Bear🐻 Would you cuddle with this big fella?😳 Follow @natures for more!⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ At the Orphaned Wildlife Center our goal is to provide safety and nurturing to animals that are truly orphaned and prepare them to be returned to a life in the wild. Through our efforts, we hope to encourage people to respect and enjoy our native wildlife.⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ We are also very saddened to hear of Jimbo’s passing. He will be truly missed as the world moves forward with conservation efforts. Jimbo was 24 years young.⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ Tag someone that should see this!👇 🎥 by @orphanedwildlife #natures #nature
64,403 Likes | 1956 days ago | 1,379
Something to brighten your day.
116,918 Likes | 1958 days ago | 6,948
We have a lot to be grateful for. We flipped the house. 100 women elected to Congress! But, here is our biggest problem. 59% of white women voted for Ted Cruz. I don’t know what it is going to take for us to be sisters to other women, but we have to do better than this. We need to vote for the best interests of others, and stop thinking only about ourselves.
50,357 Likes | 1958 days ago | 524
Election night canoodling. We got lots of firsts, ladies. We have a lot to celebrate, and a lot more work to do.@therealdebramessing @conniebritton @marycmccormack
14,910 Likes | 1960 days ago | 605
Today is international bench day. Even though I’m from New Jersey, my trainer had to tell me. He may as well be from New Jersey. @benbrunotraining I need to be strong for tomorrow, and I need extra strength for people who have lost theirs. Tomorrow is going to be a big day. Make sure you are part of it!
31,810 Likes | 1960 days ago | 301
On our way to vote. #bernice
4,345 Likes | 1960 days ago | 224
It’s the day before #ElectionDay and I want to talk to YOU. Make a plan to vote and you could get a phone call from me during the #TelethonForAmerica powered by @whenweallvote. Watch live Nov. 5 at 9pm ET / 6pm PT at telethonforamerica.com. Link also in bio.
26,974 Likes | 1960 days ago | 1,026
November 6th is our day to say women are never going away, so get used to it.
11,558 Likes | 1961 days ago | 146
This is the Rouda family. @harleyrouda Harley Rouda is going to flip the #48 in the state of California. I’m proud to have all these candidates representing the state I call home, even though I can’t seem to shake Jersey. Go Harley!
40,551 Likes | 1961 days ago | 528
This is what canvassing looks like. Anyone can do it! @gilcisnerosca Gil Cisneros
10,371 Likes | 1961 days ago | 213
#Repost @conniebritton ・・・ #Repost @laurabrown99 Now that’s more like it. Have a great weekend, everybody and VOTE. @repjohnlewis 🇺🇸 @pharrellwilliams
12,681 Likes | 1962 days ago | 211
California! Let’s Vote for @katieporteroc in California’s 45th
27,215 Likes | 1962 days ago | 494
Thanks toots @christinesymondshair and @harrymakesitup @realtimers @billmaher
52,775 Likes | 1963 days ago | 1,203
im on @realtimers @billmaher tonight on @hbo. Vote and dm me if you are a first time voter and you need help or you aren’t registered. Or leave a comment. You can still register in some states.
14,666 Likes | 1963 days ago | 314
#Repost @kamalaharris ・・・ Spread the word: voters in these states have the opportunity to register in person on Election Day.
3,028 Likes | 1963 days ago | 68
#ElectionDay is just a few days away! I’ll be with @whenweallvote and a few of my friends calling voters Monday night during #TelethonForAmerica -- and I want to talk to you! Just pledge to vote and then tune in at 9pm ET / 6pm PT: http://telethonforamerica.com
34,728 Likes | 1964 days ago | 648
let’s do this, ladies! #neverthelessshevoted @conniebritton shirt by #linguafranca
16,046 Likes | 1964 days ago | 125
My daughter #bernice and I spent the day at mommy and me yesterday. @justinanderson @dphue
18,975 Likes | 1965 days ago | 157
Today is my sissy’s @shoshannahandler bday.she is sweet and kind and full of love and patience, and she loves loves loves being a mother. Even though she’s 5 yrs older, she says I was bad influence, but look who’s got the smoking pipe. (And, look who wants it back.) Also, she was born on Halloween so she got f💥☀️ked. Happy birthday, sissybomb. I lub my sissy.
20,790 Likes | 1965 days ago | 143
One’s a bumblebee and the other a gator...I guess...#bertandbernice
27,498 Likes | 1965 days ago | 208
Bert and Bernice feel the same way about Halloween as I do. #bertandbernice
3,027 Likes | 1966 days ago | 122
Catch a new episode of my bestie’s show @thekidsarealright at 8:30|7:30c on @abcnetwork. @marycmccormack it’s ducking funny
98,340 Likes | 1966 days ago | 1,243
Nov 6th is your day.
6,620 Likes | 1967 days ago | 128
This woman is running in New York. Spread the word and if you can vote for her. Her opponent is a terrible man who bows down to Trump and has done nothing for his community. let’s replace these terrible men with incredible women. Repost @liuba4congress (NY-2) ・・・ I’m a mom first, and I am running for office because of my kids.
37,718 Likes | 1967 days ago | 1,049
This is the woman in charge of my production. She is from Venezuela and she keeps things tight. It is very hard to get her to loosen up on set, but when she does, she goes caracas style. I love you, @darling_higgins 👯♀️👯♀️🚀🚀 #netflix
17,332 Likes | 1967 days ago | 139
My dogs always seem so much happier when I’m not there. They even go furniture shopping. #bertandbernice
17,812 Likes | 1968 days ago | 658
Join me today at noon w/ @BlackVotersMtr at 501 Pulliam in ATL. Rallying then sending a fleet of buses full of GA Voters to the polls to send a message that voter suppression will not be tolerated.
24,449 Likes | 1969 days ago | 146
Daily check ins since my dogs won’t face time, I have to settle for sterile images. #bernice #parentingisabitch
17,830 Likes | 1969 days ago | 248
More pictures of the lynching museum in Montgomery, Alabama. #museumofpeaceandjustice
15,954 Likes | 1969 days ago | 419
Before a flatiron, and after. #youchoose
58,375 Likes | 1970 days ago | 563
I took a diversity class today. #netflix #atlanta #nottheshowthecity
23,248 Likes | 1970 days ago | 747
We still have a chance to flip the senate if we get enough women to vote. Please don’t give up on anything. Remember: donald trump is the president: Anything is possible, when we vote.
9,016 Likes | 1970 days ago | 316
#Repost @tarahirshberg ・・・ Beyond proud of my husband @erichirshberg for the campaign he made for the DNC. Please watch, share and most importantly VOTE!!!! #repost from: @erichirshberg —————————————— #iwillvote
35,906 Likes | 1970 days ago | 246
Bert in his very own issue of architectural digest. #bert
Your vote, your voice. This @couragecampaign t-shirt, my choice. Order today...and make them hear you at the polls. #californiacounts votegear.com/1002 link also in bio.
7,344 Likes | 1971 days ago | 155
Yes! @julden167 do it, girl. Everyone, Vote with a friend! Do not let this administration instill fear. Vote for peace and vote for freedom.
32,331 Likes | 1972 days ago | 967
My daughter hates me. I can’t imagine why. #bernice
21,369 Likes | 1972 days ago | 335
This November, millennials will make up the largest voting bloc for the first time. Let’s make sure we all show up. Text VOTER to 26797 and make a plan to vote Tuesday, November 6. @iamavoter #iamavoter
58,281 Likes | 1973 days ago | 1,626
Today I spent the day in Montgomery, Alabama visiting the Lynching museum where I learned more about what it means to be oppressed, to live in terror and fear, and to be treated without dignity. All of us who were born with privilege must vote to protect those who were born being discriminated against. #museumofpeaceandjustice
36,477 Likes | 1973 days ago | 388
Step 1: YOU VOTE. Step 2: YOU POST.* Step 3: WE CONNECT.** *use #POSTTHEVOTE **I’ll be liking and sharing in my story at least 5 early voting posts before Election Day 11/6
27,968 Likes | 1974 days ago | 449
30,838 Likes | 1975 days ago | 273
Spending time with my two favorite twins raising money for @ctaop. Real work is happening because of this woman’s dedication to the country she came from. #vegasbaby !
29,693 Likes | 1975 days ago | 1,088
I got a gold facial yesterday. @mitra.cesttoutskin
17,660 Likes | 1976 days ago | 698
Just doing some chores around the house.
16,671 Likes | 1977 days ago | 166
Just got this little nugget of inspiration. Good for us all to remember.,
44,001 Likes | 1977 days ago | 1,357
My thoughts exactly. Anyone who believes black lives matter, which is not a controversial thing to believe, should be standing up for our brothers and sisters by kneeling. #repost @amyschumer ... Friday thought. I wonder why more white players aren’t kneeling. Once you witness the truly deep inequality and endless racism people of color face in our country, not to mention the police brutality and murders. Why not kneel next to your brothers? Otherwise how are you not complicit? I think it would be cool if @maroon5 backed out of super bowl like @badgalriri Did. I personally told my reps I wouldn’t do a Super Bowl commercial this year. I know it must sound like a privilege ass sacrifice but it’s all i got. Hitting the nfl with the advertisers is the only way to really hurt them. I know opposing the nfl is like opposing the nra. Very tough, but don’t you want to be proud of how you’re living? Stand up for your brothers and sisters of color. And the hottest thing a guy can do is get down on one knee. Not to propose but to reject the treatment of his teammates by this country. Anyone who says its disrespectful to our military please read up on the fact that a lot of veterans are proud of what @kaepernick7 is doing and fully support him. What are your thoughts?
43,795 Likes | 1978 days ago | 903
Sometimes I’m on @theellenshow and today is one of those times. #votolatinx
17,970 Likes | 1978 days ago | 152
Morning. #bernice
142,514 Likes | 1979 days ago | 2,395
#ThisIs18 in New Jersey, 1993 - I'd tell her it's okay to admit you don't know something. Who cares if it's a stupid question. ASK IT. You must keep learning about anything and everything.
36,907 Likes | 1979 days ago | 516
Went to an old stomping ground yesterday at the comedy union and talked about white privilege for my new documentary. #netflix it’s not out yet. Just started filming.
6,517 Likes | 1980 days ago | 179
This is my bestie’s new show! @marycmccormack
23,241 Likes | 1980 days ago | 213
The midterms are coming. Are your dogs registered to vote?
32,518 Likes | 1981 days ago | 285
Attitudes #bertandbernice
11,670 Likes | 1981 days ago | 134
Weekend over. #novibes
22,355 Likes | 1983 days ago | 357
#weekendvibes
28,735 Likes | 1983 days ago | 262
I got little rubber doggy pads for my steps so Bert doesn’t fly down the stairs when he gets too excited. They work well for adults too.
28,505 Likes | 1984 days ago | 275
#friday #bert #margaritas
5,681 Likes | 1985 days ago | 135
#Repost @marycmccormack ・・・ Mom knows everything. @thekidsarealrightabc premieres this Tuesday at 8:30/7:30 central on @abc! #TheKidsAreAlright
22,069 Likes | 1985 days ago | 802
#morningbaywatchbounce @benbrunotraining
59,938 Likes | 1985 days ago | 2,115
This is why we elect women on November 6th.
42,100 Likes | 1986 days ago | 422
Post breast-feeding.
62,873 Likes | 1987 days ago | 808
Get back to me when your dogs know how to smile for a picture. #bertandbernice
25,950 Likes | 1987 days ago | 807
I don’t know why this looks like a prom picture, but I saw my buddy @vanjones68 today and we did his be woke podcast and we started day #2 of my documentary for #netflix on the subject of White Privilege. Starting with my own. Please leave comments for suggestions and questions to incorporate into the film.
27,404 Likes | 1988 days ago | 322
Thank you to the kind woman who brought me my great hoodie! @save_the_duck! It kept me warm all through Canada. I’ll use them to get ready for ski season.🥢I can’t find skis.
76,820 Likes | 1989 days ago | 1,794
This was about the time i found out about Brett Kavanaugh getting the votes he needed. #ottawa For all of the people who like to ask me when im leaving America, the answer is I’m not. I’m staying put and fighting for the country that I know the best and love the most. Sorry. Or as they say in Canada: Sorey. @civilized.life
14,056 Likes | 1989 days ago | 368
#Repost @petesouza ・・・ Listen to Charlotte. #Repost @charlottethetortoise ・・・ Remember this? I persisted; so can you. Don’t give up. Keep fighting.
45,501 Likes | 1990 days ago | 397
When my dogs know something is up.
80,725 Likes | 1990 days ago | 1,947
38,971 Likes | 1991 days ago | 597
On the day we go back in history, we are seeing signs that change is coming, too. This is long overdue and doesn’t begin to solve problems in this country, but today it is something that gives me hope.
47,588 Likes | 1992 days ago | 730
#Repost @bridgeteverett
67,080 Likes | 1992 days ago | 1,033
November 6th is coming. And, so are we.
12,797 Likes | 1992 days ago | 193
This is a new one
175,211 Likes | 1992 days ago | 3,457
#Repost @esteestanley ・・・ MEN read this!!! In order for you to somewhat understand us. And believe it!! #whoruntheworldgirls
28,536 Likes | 1993 days ago | 504
Karen????? Do you see me now?
18,247 Likes | 1993 days ago | 257
I don’t even know how to put a boomerang in a full frame...or kick my leg.
11,458 Likes | 1993 days ago | 214
It’s a New York City night. Hair by @owengould make-up by @miajonesmua outfit by @stellamccartney thanks for making me look like a barbie.
20,025 Likes | 1993 days ago | 126
Happy #nationalsonday to my 2nd son, #bert. Congrats on tour 2 lb. weight loss, Bert!! Keep going strong. #nomoresnacks
39,548 Likes | 1995 days ago | 674
It feels good to have hair and makeup in my life again. People were starting to hand me money on the streets. #believesurvivors #beasister
21,128 Likes | 1995 days ago | 119
#bernice at work photo credit by @dphue
28,730 Likes | 1995 days ago | 359
Mother/daughter day. #bernice
7,380 Likes | 1996 days ago | 122
How cute is this little Nugget’s tooth action?
5,730 Likes | 1997 days ago | 97
#Repost @andrewgillum ・・・ My name is on the ballot, but my name simply represents the voices of everyday people — those who want to be seen again.
31,308 Likes | 1997 days ago | 301
Bert’s response to the Brett Kavanaugh testimony.
90,045 Likes | 1997 days ago | 864
My chunky just popped up on my daily photo memories. He was a prince.
30,373 Likes | 1998 days ago | 954
Please make your call.
20,837 Likes | 1998 days ago | 167
I have entered into a romantic relationship. #bert
34,291 Likes | 1999 days ago | 321
These two fuckers are what any adolescent brother and sister are like. Hot and cold. #bertandbernice
87,948 Likes | 2000 days ago | 1,552
#believewomen a shirt a man has never had to wear. @piperperabo
20,339 Likes | 2001 days ago | 354
Voting has never been more important. Join me and update your voter registration (you have to do it every time you move) at http://bit.ly/HandlerRTV with @HeadCount to make sure #TheFutureIsVoting - link also in bio
58,787 Likes | 2002 days ago | 996
#believesurvivors
30,836 Likes | 2005 days ago | 252
When I leave town, this is Bert’s reaction to driving around town in a minivan. #nothavingit
79,387 Likes | 2005 days ago | 1,495
13,963 Likes | 2005 days ago | 320
Thank you, Calgary for a fantastic conversation highlighting all the reasons cannabis legalization is coming at the right time. Vancouver tonight and Winnipeg tomorrow. For more Canadian dates: https://chelsea.civilized.life
39,784 Likes | 2006 days ago | 528
Life is better with dogs in it. #bernice
18,986 Likes | 2007 days ago | 655
@benbrunotraining it’s like talking to a wall. For both of us. Happy Yom Kippur
16,176 Likes | 2007 days ago | 156
#TBT to Where the Wild Things Are. People don’t believe me when I say I may as well have lived in the woods.
I haven’t let someone this young near my face in a long time….thank you @bretmanrock for the #ConcealerClass and thanks to @coverfx #PowerPlay concealer for successfully making me look 19… find your shade @sephora #NudeIsNotBeige #CoverFXPartner
41,277 Likes | 2012 days ago | 449
This is my little bitch, #bernice. Her attitude is everything. #chowchow
30,694 Likes | 2013 days ago | 333
#tbt Me and my daddy going hard at the beach. My dad taught me how to swim by throwing me off a dock in #marthasvineyard, or maybe I threw myself off a dock when I found out my parents had a house in Martha’s Vineyard, but no bank account.
102,284 Likes | 2014 days ago | 5,554
#Repost @natures ・・・ Happy Baby Ella!💗🐘#elephant Follow @roam for more!⠀ ⠀ Tag someone that should see this!👇 📸 by @iloveelephant262 #natures if anyone thinks I’m not getting an elephant, they’re wrong.
24,457 Likes | 2014 days ago | 364
Bert
6,507 Likes | 2015 days ago | 90
Sending my Bisous for Léo! Léo has an incredibly rare genetic disorder called INAD, often referred to as “Parkinson’s mixed with Alzheimer’s for kids.” It’s an absolutely horrific diagnosis as there are currently no treatments or cures. We’re hoping to change that. Please post your own bisous and donate at BisousForLeo.org so we can help save his life and kiss INAD goodbye #BisousForLéo 💋 @bisousforleo
17,531 Likes | 2015 days ago | 201
29,166 Likes | 2015 days ago | 304
Me politely asking Bert if I can get him anything.
19,313 Likes | 2015 days ago | 94
We’re on jet lag time. #bert
33,275 Likes | 2016 days ago | 317
I swear I am going to eat this dog one day. I can’t take the meat action. #bert
24,419 Likes | 2017 days ago | 193
Sundays with 3 of the girls I Lub DA mostest. @conniebritton @marycmccormack @charlizeafrica I mean, they all have kids, and I left first to feed my dogs, so you tell me who the best parent is.
20,934 Likes | 2018 days ago | 285
If you’re looking for a book to make you smarter, this is it. #rebeccasolnit #callthembytheirtruenames
33,868 Likes | 2018 days ago | 275
This is my boo Gabriel. He keeps me safe whenever I’m in London, and prevents me from jumping out windows and opening doors in traffic, by always locking the doors. Thanks, Gabriel! You big nugget. #statussymbolchauffers
30,448 Likes | 2018 days ago | 244
Fat and pissed. #bert I’m coming Bert.
13,728 Likes | 2019 days ago | 118
Now, we’re talking. Thanks @stellamccartney @maryamccartney @ritaora for showing me how pictures are supposed to look.
9,986 Likes | 2019 days ago | 54
Sissies and sissies
18,099 Likes | 2019 days ago | 267
Two sissies and 3 hook eyes. @stellamccartney @maryamccartney #london
35,705 Likes | 2020 days ago | 638
60% of eligible Latinx voters are 33 years old or younger. Young Latinx have the POWER, and it’s time to mobilize for #Midterms2018. I’m joining @votolatino to say WE ARE MORE. #SomosMas http://www.somosmas.vote/
14,833 Likes | 2020 days ago | 99
Just got my daily update from my cleaning lady of my dog, except this is not my dog. Someone got into the edibles.
17,054 Likes | 2021 days ago | 203
Cheers to the @wsl for having their priorities straight and implementing parity.
3,056 Likes | 2021 days ago | 47
If you're looking to take your mind off things with some fuck you music, this is one of my favorite people in the world. @jademidori @222jdband
9,941 Likes | 2021 days ago | 128
I had to come all the way to London to have my Mary Tyler Moore moment. #london #nationalheadwrapday
9,561 Likes | 2022 days ago | 162
What I hope I’ll be doing the day after midterms. A vote for one of us is a vote for all of us. #novemberiscoming #useyourvoice
20,393 Likes | 2022 days ago | 700
The way I feel about Republicans. #london
24,836 Likes | 2024 days ago | 1,419
Canadian dates where we will be talking the impending legalization of cannabis...everywhere. It’s happening, and it’s exciting, and I’m on board. Link for tickets in bio.
39,230 Likes | 2025 days ago | 460
This is my my bff’s @marycmccormack oldest daughter who created her own female empowerment instagram page: @feminist_empowered and that is her mother’s hand picking food out of my teeth. There are mothers everywhere you go.
28,039 Likes | 2026 days ago | 470
Here’s looking at you, Friday. I love days.
28,378 Likes | 2027 days ago | 356
This is me and my trainer @benbrunotraining we combine heavy weight lifting with lots of planks and walking lunges and then we drink. We have a system and it works. Oh, and it was his birthday yesterday. Happy birthday, Ben!
21,229 Likes | 2028 days ago | 247
Questions...
52,648 Likes | 2028 days ago | 1,029
Let’s all use our voices in November.
29,163 Likes | 2029 days ago | 396
And people say i can’t reproduce. #bertandbernice
40,935 Likes | 2030 days ago | 548
This is #bernice. Bert and Bernice are brother and sister chow chows mixed with a dash of lion king. I have been facing backlash from close friends and advisors that I am playing favorites by posting more pictures of Bert than Bernice. It’s because his body is more intriguing to me. I love them the same, but I like his body more.
12,056 Likes | 2030 days ago | 155
I love when this ball of meat is in my backyard. I could watch him and his body all day long. I love you, Big Delicious @rayvannatta
12,172 Likes | 2032 days ago | 198
@benbrunotraining first of all, I’m happy to do a plank the whole entire hour.
36,811 Likes | 2033 days ago | 327
It’s Friday, bitches. #bert
27,591 Likes | 2033 days ago | 171
Morning assault. #bert
86,424 Likes | 2034 days ago | 873
#TBT to when I used to sleep on top of Chunk. Miss you, buddy. Bert and Bernice are two real pieces of work. ❤️❤️
35,873 Likes | 2035 days ago | 471
@JennyMollen and me. I love this woman and she loves me. We support each other just like our @Reebok #PureMoveBra supports our #Boobies #BeMoreHuman
35,260 Likes | 2035 days ago | 675
This is one of the most inspiring candidates running for Congress this year. Her name is Amy McGrath and she is a mother, a veteran, and made it through her primary beating an old establishment white guy. She could use all the support anyone has to give @amymcgrathky6 #inspiringwomen
72,181 Likes | 2036 days ago | 823
Oh, wait. This is when I worked at IBM, at sixteen. I spell out numbers because im a computer whiz. #nationalheadshotday something in the air today just makes me feel like sharing.
84,919 Likes | 2036 days ago | 1,341
Just wanted to share my latest headshot on #nationalheadshotday from the set of the #lionking
29,171 Likes | 2037 days ago | 274
“You said, ‘treat,’ bitch.
15,814 Likes | 2038 days ago | 440
My workouts with @benbrunotraining just got a little easier now that I finally found a sports bra that keeps my boobies from hitting me in the chin. @Reebok #PureMoveBra #BeMoreHuman #boobies
49,601 Likes | 2039 days ago | 491
It’s always serious shit with this guy. #bert
36,907 Likes | 2042 days ago | 452
My daily #bertandbernice updates from home. #bernice is on the left, and big fat #bert is on the right. One is about 25 lbs and the other is about a hundred. Bert has a weight problem.
32,161 Likes | 2042 days ago | 300
Here’s a perfect example of how the water changes color here in almost a straight line. It does this in seven different places, (maybe more) every color of blue you can imagine. #borabora
26,799 Likes | 2043 days ago | 595
How I send my mating call.
19,507 Likes | 2043 days ago | 205
Today is an Election Day in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Vermont, and Connecticut. All candidates I support are on the link in my bio. Have a great day!!
69,949 Likes | 2044 days ago | 1,091
I only use filters for other people.
25,129 Likes | 2045 days ago | 291
The only way to get from point A to point B. Well, one of the only reasonable ways. #dosomething #borabora
40,340 Likes | 2045 days ago | 357
#borabora
74,115 Likes | 2046 days ago | 1,076
Trying to stay focused.
32,135 Likes | 2046 days ago | 390
Airport living. The only place I drink wine.
31,681 Likes | 2047 days ago | 245
Tahitian sunset.
40,996 Likes | 2047 days ago | 1,304
#Repost @newyorkermag ・・・ A cartoon by Michael Crawford. #TNYcartoons
46,704 Likes | 2048 days ago | 696
Someone just Lei’d me and I’m all better!
21,644 Likes | 2048 days ago | 547
Ive never stayed in a hut before. #huts #tahiti
53,146 Likes | 2049 days ago | 544
A record number of women won their primary elections last night. A record number of @emilys_list endorsed candidates. We are on our way to people of color, women, and members of the LGBTQ community representing this country more than 75 year old white men. Get involved, stay involved, and use your voice to vote. Xx❤️💜💚🤸♂️🤸♀️
Watch my BFF @marycmccormack on her new @foxtv gameshow #25WordsorLess today! Check your local listings for showtimes. #goyaya
31,427 Likes | 2052 days ago | 388
Here I am with one of my bros and my two sissies. Not all of us, but love to be with my family and feel the strength of togetherness, under circumstances that feel unfair and heart-wrenching, but filled with so much BURKE love. You will be missed, Eddie. WE ALL LOVE YOU AND WILL MISS YOU. “BOYS!!”
63,154 Likes | 2053 days ago | 1,024
45,203 Likes | 2054 days ago | 341
Morning stretches with my mountain lion #bert
93,432 Likes | 2055 days ago | 906
Last night I got to play a power lesbian with my bestie @marycmccormack on #willandgrace thank you all for helping me act like an even bigger bitch than usual.
34,565 Likes | 2058 days ago | 342
It’s been a rough weekend. #bertandbernice
22,967 Likes | 2061 days ago | 173
#berniceinbelair
17,677 Likes | 2062 days ago | 139
#bernice post Xanax.
44,879 Likes | 2062 days ago | 543
#sideeye #bert
49,064 Likes | 2064 days ago | 362
My daily Bert update while im away. Still pissed, and seemingly sober. Coming home soon, ya’ big fatty! 🤸♂️
10,896 Likes | 2064 days ago | 103
Since not our whole family is on this trip, we got a screen grab of my disinter so she didn’t miss being in this photo of my nephew Teddy’s 9th birthday. #marthasvineyard #summerlovin
26,672 Likes | 2065 days ago | 256
Whispering sweet nothings into my nuggets ears. This whole summer has been about children. They’re everywhere. I’ve worked so hard to remain childless, yet they are everywhere I turn.
47,577 Likes | 2068 days ago | 416
Chunk would have hated Bert. I love them both. Chunk would never snuggle with me all night. Bert will snuggle with anyone. Chunk was an intellect. Bert reads the NYPOST.
65,678 Likes | 2068 days ago | 666
#fbf to Chunk’s very first trip to Spain. He was more like his mother than I remembered. I love you, chunky❤️Even his nostrils are flaring.
33,757 Likes | 2069 days ago | 813
Me an my popsicle. #lubrication.
10,212 Likes | 2070 days ago | 129
Me and my favorite muppet. I don’t mean that in a Russian way. She is actually a real live muppet. @mastro175 lost her bunny recently and she is a real love giver and her heart is temporarily at a standstill. Please send her your kitty love if you’ve been in the same boat. XXOOmeow.
27,654 Likes | 2070 days ago | 261
Park update from my cleaning lady. #bertandbernice #chowchow my pride and joys. They are brother and sister from the same litter. I hope this answers any questions. Chunk and Tammy no mas.
16,988 Likes | 2071 days ago | 141
My sissy and my yaya @marycmccormack met up in #sanfrancisco. I love when my attachments attach.
71,367 Likes | 2072 days ago | 639
This is my tootsie @christinesymondshair who went through quite an ordeal and had her baby at only 28 weeks. His name is Wolfe and because his mom is such a resilient fighter, he is almost out of the NICU, and is gaining strength every day. Mommy, daddy, and baby harnessing all their fortitude and devotion has been a really beautiful thing to watch. Even, for me. I love you, guys, @markeps
37,877 Likes | 2074 days ago | 434
My babies just love to jump into my arms. #bernice. Single parenting is no joke.
25,425 Likes | 2074 days ago | 151
My big baby #bert
89,665 Likes | 2076 days ago | 1,437
Thank you Azoff’s for my fabulous week of boating and edibles. Love you, @shellibird1 @alabamastatter @cazoff thanks, Deana for this pic. And, thank you for this dress @nataliemartincollection this is not a paid endorsement. I just love her dresses.
39,762 Likes | 2076 days ago | 453
Great way to start your day or end it. #gozzerranch #lakecourdalene #wipeout
22,988 Likes | 2077 days ago | 197
Me and my sissy who’s not my real sissy but another kind of sissy. @alabamastatter #lakecourdalene
30,724 Likes | 2077 days ago | 240
Oh, Bert.
26,534 Likes | 2080 days ago | 452
I love a good wipeout. #lakecourdalene #gozzerranch #summerwipeouts
35,359 Likes | 2080 days ago | 435
#lakecourdalene #idaho #gozzerranch wrapping up vacation with hard reentry into America.
34,753 Likes | 2081 days ago | 213
My daily photo update so I can act like a decent mother. #bertandernice
35,027 Likes | 2082 days ago | 276
#bertandbernice my two miniature lions. At home with who knows who.
41,946 Likes | 2083 days ago | 486
Charley’s first trip to #london look to your right and look to your left. On either side, there’s a woman who needs you.
23,310 Likes | 2083 days ago | 637
Roaming the streets of London with @annie_morris_studio with mother’s and daughters and nieces and aunts and prints!
13,847 Likes | 2084 days ago | 100
Perfect for the 4th. @matilda #london #nuggetlove
36,320 Likes | 2084 days ago | 227
This just popped up on my flashbacks. I miss you #tammy!!!! Born on the 4th of July. Country first, safety last.
Just something to cheer everyone up on a cloudy day. Girls need to stick together, no matter what generation.
22,010 Likes | 2090 days ago | 258
This is a reminder to knock ourselves on the head and remember that every woman needs to use her voice to protect all the women that came before us and for all the women who come after us. We must go forward, not backwards. We are stronger when we stick together. Always use your voice.
32,362 Likes | 2092 days ago | 301
#mallorca
33,446 Likes | 2092 days ago | 304
#mallorca
27,628 Likes | 2093 days ago | 363
Table for #1? #mallorca #nofriends
41,286 Likes | 2094 days ago | 356
#paradise#caladeia #mallorca
36,653 Likes | 2096 days ago | 913
What can any of us do at a time like this? Here's something nice you can do this weekend: Join people across the country and #StandForKids by starting a lemonade stand to raise money for groups helping kids separated from their families. Go to standforkids.net to get involved. Link in bio.
63,397 Likes | 2098 days ago | 1,257
On Saturday, June 30th, cities across the country will march in support of family. To find an event near you click the link in my bio. We all need to do our part to end the cruel and senseless treatment of people who are just like you and me. #familiesbelongtogether
79,248 Likes | 2098 days ago | 4,485
It CAN happen to you - #repost @esteestanley ・・・ I remember my grandma telling me her story of surviving the Holocaust. This is exactly how it started then!! We are all sitting around saying it won’t happen to me or my family. That’s what my grandma thought. This is inhumane but I feel helpless and don’t know what else to do for these children and their parents who are suffering. What do we do?????? Were living @handmaidstale right now!!! It’s happening to them. What makes you think it won’t happen to you?????
63,681 Likes | 2098 days ago | 3,517
This is not acceptable.
18,318 Likes | 2103 days ago | 725
@benbrunotraining
28,499 Likes | 2104 days ago | 346
My sissy is still single, if anyone’s looking. Look on the streets of #sanfrancisco 💜 #monybaloney
17,810 Likes | 2104 days ago | 269
This is what I hope the afterlife looks like.
34,818 Likes | 2105 days ago | 469
We support @onefairwagedc. #VoteYeson77 on June 19 in DC to support fair wages, decent working conditions & access to reproductive healthcare to be sure women and families can live with dignity #LilyTomlin @conniebritton @sarujayaraman_roc @janefonda #BetterWagesBetterTips #1FairWage
32,601 Likes | 2106 days ago | 489
Show SCOTUS & the GOP that you're fighting for voting rights this November. Resist, march and VOTE your heart out so we can stand up for our democracy. Join me and #LetAmericaVote ➡ Link in bio!
37,966 Likes | 2106 days ago | 893
We must stand up and use your voice to say no more to this.
60,426 Likes | 2107 days ago | 718
Thinking about all the great women we have running for office. Feeling very womanly.
65,479 Likes | 2108 days ago | 943
I grew up every summer on Martha’s Vineyard so when I come to a place that has all the things that remind me of summer and my happiest childhood memories, I light up. Thanks, mom and dad for giving me an appreciation for the simpler and finer things in life.
11,253 Likes | 2108 days ago | 272
Waking up to oysters. #stjohn #newbrunswickcanada
18,802 Likes | 2109 days ago | 544
@benbrunotraining it’s almost like I’m training myself.
63,373 Likes | 2110 days ago | 639
In honor of #nationalbestfriendday this is my bestie @marycmccormack this pic (don’t say pic) encapsulates everything about our relationship. Carrying the person who needs to be carried. Mary will video message me every day when I’m out of town and say, “ where are you? What are you doing? Come home.” She looks after me. I love you, yaya. You are the yin to my yang and the yang to my yin. Thank you for always finding my eyes when I’m unsure of where to look.
27,927 Likes | 2111 days ago | 292
Bert right after he threw up. #wiped
23,087 Likes | 2111 days ago | 178
Can someone pls do my roots? @justinanderson I thought you were coming over last night.
28,072 Likes | 2112 days ago | 152
Last night was an incredible night for female candidates. That is why my daughter is holding her head high today. #bernice @emilys_list
48,909 Likes | 2113 days ago | 484
It’s voting day where #babesunite women coming together to elect other women. #supertuesday #getoutthevote you can check my facebook and countable page for the list of male and female candidates I support.
25,335 Likes | 2114 days ago | 133
The closest I’ll ever get to a selfie with this moose. #bert
21,288 Likes | 2114 days ago | 158
Tomorrow is June 5th, SUPER TUESDAY. In California, it is very important that we vote so that tomorrow, so that we have a Democrat on the ballot in November. You can go to my Facebook or countable.us page to see the candidates I support. Pls make sure you vote tomorrow. Make sure you use the voice you were given. 💜🤸♀️💜
24,954 Likes | 2115 days ago | 263
Just a reminder that I will be in Minneapolis this Tuesday on June 5th at the Minneapolis State theater for a NIGHT OUT. We discuss politics, how to get involved locally and nationally. What your concerns are in Minneapolis. These are Town Hall events where everyone with an opinion different than my own is welcome. Spreading love and lively conversation with alcohol and audience participation. Xx #monkeyforrest #ubudmonkeyforest
34,375 Likes | 2116 days ago | 349
I saw this little fucker on the right in the monkey forest and he reminded me a lot of another little fucker I know. #bernice. Maybe it’s the level of disinterest.
37,476 Likes | 2116 days ago | 285
#ubudlife
29,994 Likes | 2116 days ago | 261
Leaning over and ordering a drink before posing for a pretty backdrop. #ubud #baliindonesia
17,719 Likes | 2116 days ago | 124
#bali #ubud
12,895 Likes | 2117 days ago | 127
#withlove #ubudbali #indonesia
15,347 Likes | 2117 days ago | 199
#whitewaterrafting #ubud #indonesia #bali
24,340 Likes | 2120 days ago | 447
Me trying to dance. #uluwatu #indonesia
117,206 Likes | 2121 days ago | 2,032
Reflections #baliindonesia
32,815 Likes | 2121 days ago | 230
Mornings in #bali #wsl I don’t know why this guy is running away from me.
21,809 Likes | 2122 days ago | 210
Rise and shine. #bali #wsl
18,266 Likes | 2123 days ago | 184
Good morning! #bali
36,713 Likes | 2124 days ago | 576
I feel like no one gets me here. And yes, I travel with a pillow. #hongkong #donkeykong #kingkong #anykong
32,178 Likes | 2125 days ago | 334
Happy Friday from our family to yours. @brycescarlett #bernice
29,936 Likes | 2126 days ago | 251
#bernice
39,815 Likes | 2127 days ago | 476
This sums up what I’m dealing with on the home front. Every day, it’s like I’m starting over.
20,565 Likes | 2127 days ago | 125
This Thursday, May 24, catch a few of my friends and me for a special #rednoseday themed episode of Hollywood Game Night. #kellyclarkson #seanhayes #sarahsilverman #cedrictheentertainer #islafisher #sasheerzamata #jackblack #endchildpoverty
58,804 Likes | 2127 days ago | 420
Rolled up like a big fat sausage. I’ve always wanted a lion and now I have one. #bert
50,308 Likes | 2128 days ago | 185
This is my nephew, aka my OG NUGGET. He was the fattest baby with tons of meat to grab and this weekend, he graduated from college. Congratulations, Jakey! I love you, bad.
48,318 Likes | 2130 days ago | 256
My little tootsie had a baby at 28 weeks and his name is #wolfe and he is a champ. She also got everyone around her pregnant, too. I love you @christinesymondshair who went through a lot to get him into this world and she’s got the scars to prove it. She is a WARRIOR, that is now mother to a little Wolfe!! I love you, toots. Everyone does.
13,411 Likes | 2131 days ago | 267
My bff @marycmccormack’s daughter Rose. #wildhorses
18,393 Likes | 2132 days ago | 125
It’s like your pinky finger with a cocktail.
20,283 Likes | 2133 days ago | 323
I know Instagram isn’t the place for politics but these 3 women of color are all running and they represent women’s rights, and what this country is made of; People of all different backgrounds and cultures coming together. These are the types of candidates we need representing us and our future generations. If you’re not political, but you’re a mom or a dad, then it’s your responsibility to remain informed so that your kids grow up with the same rights and freedoms we grew up with in this country. Their names are Lauren Underwood, Gina Ortiz Jones, and Lina Hidalgo.
37,971 Likes | 2134 days ago | 203
#bertie won’t be pushed around, but he’ll hide under the dining room table.
8,569 Likes | 2134 days ago | 168
#morningscissors
31,176 Likes | 2135 days ago | 153
I love coming home to this beast. #bert
27,593 Likes | 2135 days ago | 492
I’ve decided to start delivering babies. And, subsequently become a wet nurse.
36,433 Likes | 2136 days ago | 126
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to my two sissies who between them are mothers to five children and me. Lub my sissies and love their babies. 👯♀️👯♀️
10,019 Likes | 2137 days ago | 131
Happy birthday to my cousin Molly who takes care of every person in her life and makes time for any person she knows who needs her. We’ve been around the world together and we’ve worked around the world together and there is no body I’d rather wake up next to, clothes. Here’s a sneak peak at at you in 30 years if I wasn’t your cousin. I love you, Rick. 🤸♀️
13,231 Likes | 2138 days ago | 124
#FBF TO HELI-skiing in #whistler. Where the snow never ends.
65,889 Likes | 2139 days ago | 1,176
I’m just a girl in a city...looking for a drink.
33,821 Likes | 2141 days ago | 451
#Bloombergequalitysummit. #nyc hair by @djquintero @quinnmurphy trying to make changes.
26,947 Likes | 2142 days ago | 137
This dog has the same body as Chuy. #bert
20,180 Likes | 2144 days ago | 122
Last night with my bestie @marycmccormack supporting @archerschoolforgirls where they teach girls how to raise your hand, give your opinion, and stand for something! Thank you, Elizabeth!
20,825 Likes | 2144 days ago | 172
Tbf to russia. Thank god that’s over.
35,115 Likes | 2145 days ago | 292
She looks like a baboon. #bernice
21,482 Likes | 2146 days ago | 201
My writing partner
9,468 Likes | 2146 days ago | 249
This is my Pilates instructor’s @sshell little girl #della. They’ve been under construction for quite some time.
41,836 Likes | 2147 days ago | 578
Last night I got to celebrate @muscularcalves win an award from @communitiesinschools and she still hasn’t stopped crying. Hair by @mararoszak and make-up by @monikablundermakeup thanks for the clothes @aliceandolivia I’m only sharing this pic because of how skinny my arm looks.
15,069 Likes | 2148 days ago | 165
Me loving myself thanks for my pants #gracedbygrit
26,060 Likes | 2148 days ago | 200
Morning side eye #bert every morning, after we sleep side by side, he acts like I’m going to rob him.
46,478 Likes | 2149 days ago | 483
I came home to a very alert chia pet. She seems kind of empty behind the eyes, no? I don’t get what she’s passionate about other than food...
18,906 Likes | 2149 days ago | 114
Monday morning kickstand. #bernice
25,303 Likes | 2151 days ago | 259
This is how I spend my Saturday nights now. With my congressman @tedlieu4congress supporting decent human beings get elected. I never knew how much I loved my country until I had to know.